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Old 05-17-05, 10:09 PM   #1
Gongshow.
Flyweight
 
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Posts: 160
Joined: May 2005
From: Barrie, ON
Status: Offline
Text Record: 1-3
Off My Chest

IP: 4D1A 40C8

Okay, I'm writing this for my first ever audio so don't trip if the structure and vocab and all that is fucked lol...

*slow beat*
Hook}

*mutters under breath to himself*

Me :"pack your own fuckin lunch, get your own fuckin ride to school... get a fuckin job and maybe you'd have money for your own fuckin car..."

Mom (from across the house) "EMPTY THE DISHWASHER BEFORE YOU LEAVE!"

*beat rises*

"Fuck YOU! Stupid BITCH!
Only reason I go to school is to get RICH!
It's YOUR fault that you had to drop out and wash dishes!
But you can't even do that right, FUCKDAMN!"

"I do all th-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! LEARN MATH!
We all know you're lazy as fucking shit
Being a babysitter is NO EXCUSE FOR IT!!
And the reasons for your job..oh DON'T even get me started!"

"Pull your wei-"

"ARE YOU FUCKIN' RETARDED?!
I'm a fucking circus act the way I juggle MY life!
Work, School...
....You're not my wife...
Quit nagging, serious, give me some fucking space"

"I'll tell your father.."

"FUCKIN' DO IT! He lost respect for you when he married you!"

"FUCK YOUU!"

"I'll fuckin BURY YOU bitch,
Make it look like a soap opera you watch..
..in the afternoon..
when you lay...
..the kids down for a nap and claim to do chores."

"I need my spa-"

"Shut up whore.
You're the reason that we're poor.
You're our broken home.
LOOK MA', It's a telephone!
'Ring Ring' bitch, apply for welfare, tell them our adress
Maybe we can afford a maid -
To flip your matress!
Im sick of your lazy shit,
The way you nag for fucking everything..."

"What you're saying is cruel...
We're family I would never do anything to hurt you.."

"Well than hurt yourself,
Apply for some housework
And quit bitching about my curfews.
Go back to school, and build a new life...
Quit being so fucking lazy and take a look around.."

*door closes...beat falls*
*sobbing in the backrd*
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Old 05-18-05, 12:52 AM   #2
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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Posts: 11,115
Joined: Aug 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 70-13
IP: 27C7 39ED

hmm.. this was decent it could have been alot better though.
alittle to simple for me , your bars were short and to the point..
alittle simplicit to me, elevate on wordplay and vocab ,
structure was off , lines were all over the place..
overall this was a decent drop..you had good emotions
and nice imagery , i feel your pain , my moms i bitch too..
Drop a link!
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