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Old 06-04-05, 12:22 PM   #1
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
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forsaken...

IP: F974 6254

love is foresaken, when is taken at first chance
we all know at first glance, love is romance
love is just pain concealed in lust
when two hearts collide, what is formed is trust
in time this trust, becomes jealousy
when the bond is broken by a bottle a hennesy

if love forsaken, what worth is the makin?
is it worth all the pain the tears, constantly achin
and breakin my heart, from the start to the end
yes yes these words are for my girlfriend
05 bonnie and clide, ready to die
for this girl whom i love down to ride
always by my side, nd sex supplied
she tryna get wit me, and she never denied
two hearts beatin in sync, no need to think
sweat drippin, from our bodies, sittin up on the sink
its times like this when i reminisce
and i wish, her kiss, was upon my lips
distance apart, preventin it all
baby girl i got you, all she needs to do is call
make my phone ring, and i be down like whoa
ill go down like whoa, slow or fast nitro
she holds me down, so i dont float away
head high in th clouds, as i rise everyday
higher and higher, reality brings me down
suddenly love, is replaced by a frown
as my emotional anguish is crushed by this thought
what if im not the only kid hittin tha spot
and makin her hot, drip dop sweat drippin
shorty why is she trippin, why is my grip slippin
thought i had her locked down, out for the count
she dont want me no more, she tryna break out
dont matter tho, cuz i know love is fake
what we had was real, but love is what we make
whered did i go wrong, did i treat you bad?
jus tryna spit this song, to reminisce what we had
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Old 06-04-05, 01:04 PM   #2
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: F974 6254

uppin this............. let the feed begin.........
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Old 06-04-05, 01:35 PM   #3
WhoAmI
WhoAreYou?
 
Posts: 6,178
Joined: May 2005
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IP: A181 D033

Yo i like this piece.Real sentimental fo real. Any nigga can talk about how hot they are, how many chicks they got or how badly they'll beat a motherfucker, but it takes real heart to rhyme about something deep like this. And for that i give you props g.

High ratings for content. structure was kinda simple but i guess it was sacrificed for content. the flow was real good, it was easy to read and get into the flow of this piece.
Vocab was reasonable but its all good as it seems to me you was just tryna get straight to the point with what you was sayin.

Keep goin g.

RTF on the open mic pieces in my sig
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Old 06-05-05, 01:06 PM   #4
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: F974 6254

thanks man, uppin this peice............................. nd look out for the finished peice featurin ric-b....
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Old 06-07-05, 09:06 PM   #5
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
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IP: F974 6254

uppin this shit mayne....
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Old 06-08-05, 07:17 PM   #6
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
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IP: F974 6254

uppin this shitttttttttt
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Old 06-11-05, 12:01 PM   #7
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: F974 6254

yo people uppin this shit on tha real... i need some feed for this
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