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Old 06-28-05, 08:55 PM   #1
Os1ris
[ a.k.a Os ]
 
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Text Record: 2-0
She Tries Too Hard

IP: F519 0F67



I saw her history in her hands
But could not deal with the present
Of her loving me.
Never known anyone
Like her above me.
And angel in my eyes
That only I one could see
Love at first sight
Is a lie that I despised
And I tried so hard to hide
From it blissfully
Love at first sight
Did not exist for me
But swiftly that which don’t exist
Had its grips on me
No time to deny its existence
Or even to ponder its descriptive
This is the rhythm of a lost heart beat
A distant whisper in an innermost me
I tried too hard to be bold
Tryin’ to harden my soul
Heart feelin’ cold
Death lived through me
Love a trite fantasy
And muse of insanity
Bleeding from the wrist
I died poetically
Cherub in my direction
I was scared of my perception
I saw love in her reflection
Possibility.
Of love for me
I was not ready for that
Love dies
But she’s a rose in the Garden
That managed to stay alive
And I’m the skeptic
Heart’s in need of an antiseptic
From the past thorns I’m stressing
And she still loves me
I’m unable to love
Fully, completely
She says until I’m ready
That she’ll complete me…
She tries too hard to love me
In hopes that I’ll come around
And lose all my doubts
I want to see the rose, too.
Said I’d spite my nose like the sphinx
Or my arms like Venus
Just a chance for us to be this
All in hopes to hold you
You’re my rose, I told you.
But it’s hard to know you
Love unconditionally
When you’re not supposed to.
Am
I
Worth
You?
Take this flesh away
Take this stress away
The flesh led astray
leads the bless away.
And all I want
Is an embrace upon my soul
She tries too hard to love me.
Eventually, the trying
Will become Old.
Eventually, she'll try so hard,
She'll

hate

me.

And then, love can be tolled...
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Old 06-29-05, 03:53 PM   #2
Os1ris
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Text Record: 2-0
IP: F519 0F67

Always gettin slept on......can i get some feedback please thanks
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Old 06-29-05, 07:35 PM   #3
Dervla
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IP: 7551 B481

Hmm dayum. I like the style you use here. The Imaginary was good. The best aspect from your verse was the emotion, i loved it. The vocab was weak here, but it didnt affect this piece. I loved The approach you took, and it's original which makes me more better. The concept is nice. I loved how you portrait like "Will she love me...will she love me not" Kinda thing..But this a nice poem here.

Leave a feedback on my poem called "Burnt Bridges"....Thank you.
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Old 06-30-05, 01:15 AM   #4
Valor
A Reflection Of The Past
 
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Text Record: 20-8
IP: 2029 97B3

true this was a very nice write man,not quite there with the vocab on this one, but the nice emotions is what took over this piece and the vivid imagery you displayed is what made it interestng.....nice read man
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