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Old 07-01-05, 10:59 AM   #1
criminal
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my 1st poet drop entitled ( the senses)

IP: 18CC 30C4

my 1st poet drop entitled...(The Senses)
quick poem of mine...enjoy
and drop proper feed back plez


Like man, the senses do die
And cease all purpose.
The day will come when
my soul will wilt and whither,
rooting me to Earth,
sending me to Heaven,
and taking me from you.
However, should my senses
wither before my soul,
I’ve asked God to fulfill
my last dying wish.
If my sight, the dear sense
that first felt your beauty,
were to fail me, then I
pray that in blindness,
your face keeps me company
in darkness forever.
If my ears fail to perceive
your soothing voice, then I hope
it’s your name that resonates
through every edge of my conscious
in my eternal silence.
Your beauty, accompanied by
a gentle aroma, together,
shame the floral wilderness,
justifying my desire to be close
to you, breathing you forever.
If my sense of touch
were to feel no longer,
then I ask the Lord
that your body be the
last flesh my fingers trace.
And though I’ve not been
blessed with the chance to
know the taste of your lips,
I beg that your lips
capture me forever in
a never-ending kiss.
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Old 07-06-05, 09:13 AM   #2
Payn
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it was ight 4 a 1st drop but change ya structure up from tha way it is into stanza form, creative, vocab was good, but go into depth next time u write a poem ~*fa sho*~
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