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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-02-05, 04:16 AM
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#1
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Middle Weight
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A Freestyle. COMMENT ON THIS.
IP: 9E82 E784
This is summin new that is bein writtin/
its like a new knife thas jus been glistened/ not even lookin at tha blade, cuz the suns rays reflect/ off this new piece that has neva been neglected/ i b walkin round tha bball court, seein ppl i kno i be gettin daps of respect/ and since imma be leavin home 2 tha states im feelin a seensation of regret/ and later in my life when im done wit college, imma go back to tha place i'll neva forget/ im walkin along tha road, wit a couple of friends, hitchin into town/ down here, in this parta the USVI No need for violence, nada sigle round sounded/ man, it sucks when parents n kids yell and tha kids bein grounded/ cuz not bein able 2 go out is like bein trapped inna cage, which i've founded/ truly hard 2 be in, not bein able 2 go out n experience/ but o well looks like tha jus how it is.
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09-02-05, 04:22 AM
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#2
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Middle Weight
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IP: 9E82 E784
n this was already writtin by me also. just need feedback.
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09-02-05, 05:08 AM
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#3
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Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
nice lyrics.
This is keystyle. freestyle is audio bro.but I liked this keep it up. |
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09-02-05, 05:11 AM
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#4
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Middle Weight
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IP: 9E82 E784
o aiight, my bad, u want me to post it up in audio? and thanks 4 the feed.
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09-02-05, 05:13 AM
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#5
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Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
LOL.
only post it in audio if its a audio drop. If you record this with a mic then yeh post it in audio. But seen as this is typed text format,leave it here. |
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09-02-05, 05:26 AM
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#6
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Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
Im'admit I lied in my first post.let me give you a honest break down.
get rid of these things //// ,they make your peice harder to read. Try not to write in slang or shortneded format. If your saying the write the not da. try keep your bar length the same syllable length. A bar is two lines in text. That will even out yoru flow and keep the reader more interested. Keep your bar's around 10-11 words. that shoudl bring a even flow thru your entire drop. Find a more solid topic and write in a detailed yet interesting form. Try find emotion in yoru peice. make the reader really feel what you are saying. This might come easier if you use a character in your peice with a story line. then people can feel what the character is goign thru. Vocab needs to be betetr, this will help with imagery aswell. If your vocab level is upped the new words you use will bring some imagery to your peice. This is ok for a keystyle.but keystyles dont really get attention. you need to put some effort into a solid drop and get peopel to recognise you lyrical and writing ability. sometimes centring your peice may help the reader read thru it easier and also make you structure more desirable. This is summin new that is bein writtin
its like a new knife thas jus been glistened not even lookin at tha blade, cuz the suns rays reflect off this new piece that has neva been neglected i b walkin round tha bball court, seein ppl i kno i be gettin daps of respect and since imma be leavin home 2 tha states im feelin a seensation of regret and later in my life when im done wit college, imma go back to tha place i'll neva forget im walkin along tha road, wit a couple of friends, hitchin into town down here, in this parta the USVI No need for violence, nada sigle round sounded man, it sucks when parents n kids yell and tha kids bein grounded cuz not bein able 2 go out is like bein trapped inna cage, which i've founded truly hard 2 be in, not bein able 2 go out n experience but o well looks like tha jus how it is. -Ysd@- |
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09-02-05, 05:44 AM
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#8
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Middle Weight
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IP: 9E82 E784
This is summin new that is bein writtin
its like a new knife thas jus been glistened not even lookin at tha blade, cuz the suns rays reflect off this new piece that has neva been neglected i b walkin round tha bball court, seein ppl i kno i be gettin daps of respect and since imma be leavin home 2 tha states im feelin a seensation of regret and later in my life when im done wit college, imma go back to tha place i'll neva forget im walkin along tha road, wit a couple of friends, hitchin into town down here, in this parta the USVI No need for violence, nada sigle round sounded man, it sucks when parents n kids yell and tha kids bein grounded cuz not bein able 2 go out is like bein trapped inna cage, which i've founded truly hard 2 be in, not bein able 2 go out n experience but o well looks like tha jus how it is aiight, yeah that deffinately loox better, thx. KriZ
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