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10-20-05, 03:23 PM | #1 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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Dead Weight (WILL RTF)
IP: 042E 9E4C
If you clicked the link u may as well leave feed now that ur here!!!!
She was dead late. His body already hung like a dead weight Brutally strung up by the misguided hands of fate. No longer could he endure lurking in contemplation, He did it. How? 'Without hesitation.' Her explanation. Long did despair overshadow the lights in his life, His home, his daughter, his future wife. He couldn't see it. His eyes were clouded with tears of doubt, No-one could have known, unless one is on the inside looking out. Adrenaline must have lined his veins,his brains not making sense. Some will think: leaving this concrete casket, his final show of strength. He is not the first, he will surely not be the last. More will die by their own hands, to escape- the present, the future or the past. It is always sad. The question hangs-why? The only one who could answer hangs- in his attempt to reach the sky. He didnt realise the anguish he would create prayers to him ask 'why, Hugh?' He wanted peace and quiet. How long must the dead wait?
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! Last edited by ~Eire~ : 10-22-05 at 08:22 AM. |
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10-20-05, 03:24 PM | #2 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
will return with links
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-20-05, 03:28 PM | #3 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
1 link ...........................
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-20-05, 03:33 PM | #4 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-20-05, 04:09 PM | #5 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
u leave feed, i leave feed...........
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-20-05, 05:32 PM | #6 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
UPPIN.......ffs ur all sum sleepy ppl tonite!
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-21-05, 12:05 PM | #7 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
uppin again....
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-21-05, 12:36 PM | #8 | |||||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP: 21E2 EA6B
Quote:
bolded = my favorite line....... wow a lot of emotion in this piece........ once again a piece where the best vocab isn't always the most complicated, u did a good job with that....... seemed like a real story, who was Hugh?........ overall great piece (again)....... 9/10.......not really sure what the concrete casket was, but i could still understand the rest of the metas....... keep writing.......
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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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10-21-05, 12:42 PM | #9 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
Hugh was a friend who commited suicide on wednesday nite. i didnt wanna write the whole 'it was so sad' typical poem, so i tried to see wat he was feelin. the concrete casket is this city cuz theres nuthin here for us.
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-21-05, 10:19 PM | #10 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 1078 6117
you i liked it nice word play and structure.................6/10.............nice drop
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10-21-05, 10:54 PM | #11 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
thanx.....any1 else?
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-22-05, 09:16 AM | #12 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
uppity.....up....
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-23-05, 01:52 PM | #13 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: B16B 0FE9
Excellent poem right here, very emotional concept first of all.
You worked it out nicely, inserted a lot of truly poetic techniques in it. I love how you pose those rhetoric questions as "why" and such. Because there is no answer to them yet it's the human thing to do, to ask them. I can't really pick favorite lines because every line added to the overall beauty of this piece. Emotional vibe, making the readers involved in the story. Good use of images, good use of vocabulary as well. Nice shit
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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10-23-05, 01:54 PM | #14 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
thanks very much, and i'll look out 4 moe of ur poems to RTF on
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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11-21-05, 01:41 PM | #15 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
67.............
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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