I'm the kid thats got an adiction to popping pills
I rock this place making emcees getting chills
everyline is real as fuck I can't stop thinking about rap
It's just something I grew up wid and I ain't no wack cat
I'm a lyric lover it gives me a chance 2 chill n not suffer
Whenever I think of rap it's like it's my main brother
it's like a mother 2 me I like to rap about dark stuff
I just make rhymes alone 2 make people spark up
There's no1 specialer It's something that made me blow up
so throw up ur hands and feel the hype of my show up
my rhymes are like stinger missles ready 2 bomb u off
there carefully constructed 2 make u lose when the clocks stopped
It's becoming a big habbit I never knew my lyrics would light
But I had to find a way to make words that shine this bright
If I got something on my mind I always rely on writing
this worlds going to get storms when I hit hard as lightning
my minds spinning like a 360 so when people diss me
There gonna feel my strengh that kill rappers by 150
I'm swifty with my lines so don't piss me wid ur rhymes
I'll piss on ur punch lines and crush them up like ur spine

Not bad sinner,.. but your lines are to predictable I would get half way
in a bar and know how your going to close it.

Work on your vocab !! it's to simplistic,.. try opening your mind don't
just drop something thats simply rhymes ! you take the easy way round
think of a word brake it down,.

Also work on your rhyming scheme u come far to basic for someone who
has been here so long...

It flowed well, I liked a few bars it was an alright very but u should be
droping more fire !!!

hey critic it has taken me a bit longer I'm still doing my thing though thats all that counts. I just need helping out with what i should write about like topics cuz I got ADD which makes it difficult to concentrate so im taking drugs. I'm fucking ill though but I need some adice on how to write better topics and generally get better.

I Have A Friend That Has ADD And He Writes Better Than Me But It Good If You Sit Down And Write A List Of Topics, As Many As You Can Come Up With, If You Can't Come Up With Anymore Then Take Topics You've Heard From Artist. Try Hearing Beats And Have A Friend Change It While You're Freestyling So You Can Adapt To Changing Your Vocals And Flow To Fit Any Beat. Also Try Just Rhyming Different Words, Write Some Down To Have Them Memorised, So You Can Pull A Word That Rhymes Easily. You Did Okay On This. You Listen To Eminem A Lot Don't You? I Can Tell By The Style You Try To Portray. Keep It Up Tho.

yo bro i have a-d-d to so i know how you feel bra i have diff ways of seddling me down though now you need to find one

a few things... this was WAY to basic... I'm not sure when you started but... this is wow...


first try a few things... like... wordplay... punches... actually fuck that... start simple...



rhyme scheme... switch it up... use different styles...


not blah blah blah blah blah something
blah blah blah blah blah blah something



more like...


I'm runnin to fall... puntin the ball
stuntin n' all... ready to jump on my call...


see that says nothing what so ever... nor has any meaning... but is better than any couplet you have...


so start there... and good luck.

I appreciate your help thanks. Does add ever go cuz im having a really hard time coping with it cuz it's fucking up my memory and my audio processing. I've been suffering for years with this disorder and don't know if everything's gonna be ok. Just imagine what it's like not 2 be able 2 conentrate.