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Old 02-20-03, 09:40 PM   #1
DeTox
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quick verse

IP: 872B E5DF

i havent done a open mic in a while so ill do this real quick to stay active. its not really a keystyle cause i started it last night but i wrote it real quick, but after the 4th line its a key

my name is mike and I get Jackson from Janet//
it is I, one of the best lyricist on the planets//
damn it, rappers just dont make since now days//
your dad needs to kill you like your Marvin Gaye//
lay low, I never killed but im quick to spit lines//
hit you so fast johava's wittiness couldn't testify//
you murder thousands of people on mics//
but in real life, you play with toys like fisher price//
its a chrisis, you need to hang like Jesus Christ did//
I hit beats eternal, while your laying there lifeless//
fuck a pen I used my head to write this//
some type of sober but my rhymes intoxicite//
alone like jay-z needed money so I masterbit//
retire while your a head, like the tip of my Dick//
im tired of rappers sensitive like virgin clitoris//
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Old 02-21-03, 08:03 AM   #2
ehustle
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yo!!! u got the flow im kindaof feelin the way u made it rhyme.as a whole its not too bad.Guesss if u really put effort to it u will da don
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Old 02-21-03, 05:37 PM   #3
DeTox
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thanks it was mostly a free except for the first few lines, i was going to make it a whole song but i got tired it was about 10 when i started it, then i got back from school and just keyed the rest
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Old 02-21-03, 06:52 PM   #4
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Lol, my bad for sleeping on you DeTox, I didn't even know it. What makes you think I don't like you?... j/w... This was... aahhh... decent at best. There was one line that got me laughin though...

hit you so fast johava's wittiness couldn't testify//

That's was good. With the masterbate and intoxicate rhyme you spelled it wrong though and that COMPLETELY threw me off. Put some time into the verse next time and show these fools what's up...

pz
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Old 02-21-03, 07:05 PM   #5
The 13th Apostles
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"My 2 Cents..."

IP: 4577 CD9A

This had nice flow, but the wordplay was pretty simplistic...Thats the only real thing i suggest you work on...concepts, flow, and rhyme scheme it's self you've got down pretty well...but your usage of words needs work.....

Tight spit tho dogg.....

P.E.A.C.E.
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Old 02-21-03, 08:33 PM   #6
endovidualmind
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i was gonna say the same thing he^did so i guess he just killed two birds with one stone..lol

work on the usage and concepts fasho, you got flowing skills though dawg....keep elevating

~1~
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Old 02-21-03, 09:43 PM   #7
DeTox
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thanks ill take my time next time. this was a key though LOL

BTW domain i though you didnt like me cause every time i replyed to someones open mics you would tell me to shut up or some shit like that.
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Old 02-21-03, 11:23 PM   #8
BlUnT-MC
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here's a bit mor of an intelligent comment than the one you gave me... "its ok if it was on a CD or something but on the net its just wack"..... you had flow I'll give you that, word play was kind of elementary... I'm no better in alot of my quick shots... "it is I, one of the best lyricist on the planets//
damn it, rappers just dont make since now days//
your dad needs to kill you like your Marvin Gaye//".... like I said elementary spun around version of like 1000 other rhymes out there.. and that low blow hit to marvin gaye was un-called for... NE-way... keep dropin'... and try with some more intelligent responses to other peoples shit.... peace...
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Old 02-23-03, 06:25 PM   #9
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Quote:
here's a bit mor of an intelligent comment than the one you gave me... "its ok if it was on a CD or something but on the net its just wack"


well its true rapping about guns and gangster shit on the net is wack. but thanks for the reply

BTW yes this is detox, i was trying to change my email and i forgot that my old email name got deleted so now im fucked cause i cant get back on my old name cause i needed to activate again.
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Old 02-23-03, 08:46 PM   #10
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I always told you to shut up b/c you would leave what I considered to be "hate" replies and that's just bullshit to leave those. Constructive Criticism and hate is 2 different things all though they both tell the weak points of the rhyme, just one way helps the person elevate and the other just pisses them off. I don't remember what all you said but I know that's the only reason why I would have told you that.

pz
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