Yo, this is some shit from a collab I'm doin' with this mc from iowa Weazil... we just started so some feedback would be appreciated.. It's a medium tempo beat, piano riff for base of rhyme..

listen, mutha fuckers better realize, their place on this globe.//
all a mill-en-ium below, current rap standards.//
I'm up here, all on my own, low and behold.//
another MC enters into the dom-ain, no-way.//
he say's his name's weaz, was back with the rest and stole the show away.//
opened a doorway, ended up in this place, with more fame.//
than he could ever imagine, I'm havin', a hard time believing it myself.//
all the power,. all the mutha-fuckers that got slay'n try'n ta challenge.//
all this tallent, but I still can't, picture,. a life without.//
these cards I've been delt with, so hot it's like I just mel-ted.//
through the grate of being wack to achieving a name.//
and being great, I guess it's fate, what else'll explain.//
how else could this have happened to little-ol' me.//

__________________

All right spit kid. Should've been a little longer, so people could stay on your shit. I'm uppin' this though...

u suck, so stick to graffiti n shit
u can't rap 4 shit
probably rap 4 shit
eat you wit old raps, HoTz spits
rhymes or clips
macs n four fifths
enter your face n exit the back of ya lip
respond if u want kid
get slapped up if you want kid
you don't want it wit hotz kids
i'm bad for your average rap list
pack the gat quick
shoot you, your man'll get hit, make him do a couple of backflips
who wan rap wit hotz. Shit'
sometimes i'm scared of myself
rap like stealth, nobody can't touch or see me
never catch H' on tv
catch me wit a few groupies
gettin my dick wet like coochie
never eat the coochie,
and yawl coochies, so i'm fuckin somebodys' pussy.



come see me!!!

i give it a 4/10. you need too elevate more on your punchlines and wordplay. you also need to work and your spelling a little bit. keep writing and elevating though.

^.. there is no punches, it's not a battle verse, it's a collab... and I was try'n to be straight forward that's why there's no word play... still, thx for comment...

Enigmatic..... It's only the first verse, there's still more to come.. I just wanted feedback on it so I know If I should re-do or stick with that....

Spitz... shouldn't your name be swallowz.. cock suckin' faggit...

__________________

aight.....
Thi-s S-hit
W-AS
W-ACK
and thats a fact.....hahahaha


i mean for real Blunt.....we both know this shit WAS WACK AS FUCK.....and your sorry ass excuse is
"it's not a battle verse...plus it's just a collabo and ima spit more"
IT'S STILL WACK FOR A NON BATTLE......
and you're basically saying if it aint no battle verse it cant be ill?
anyways u wack bitch
try again next time
and dont post shitty ass lyrics like these again
not in Raw's Open mic