I want to write a letter so you know just how I think.
People May laugh & talk but there is a missing link.
Those who laugh, do this because they fear
They fear my every word. Because they cannot shed a tear
Many keep so much botteled thats just why I am here.
The sins that I commit even God cannot forget.

I am writing this letter. SO you know why I cannot sleep.
For when the day my soul I cannot keep & forever leave this earth a hole so deep.
Do you ever go to sleep scared you may not wake
That god above will reep you soul, your body, he will not not take.
And what he says is far from well. you know you are on ur way to hell.

Now don't you wish you could start again. But you can't you lost the game, no hope 2 win.
Maybe if you had played right you might have lived another night.
Everytime I go to bed I cry because of fear.
DO yuou ever wonder what will happen after here?

WhytPAC?

show some love ?

Be real tell me what u think?

Did you know that when Hyena's laugh they do so not because they are sadistic freaks, but laugh when they get scared. Cool huh?

Anyway, this poem... I'll be honest. I don't understand it. Subject was kinda iffy if you know what I mean. It seemed pretty good when I read it in my head but when I read it aloud the words didn't flow right in my mouth. It's structured kinda like a bottle of sand in space after the bottle had just been shattered. But besides the actual lack of the metaphorical girdle, it's all good.

Mo-mentai.

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Thanks

This was kind of nice...

...i mean i liked how you tried to approach it...it had a certain element of raw depth to it...

...like you were trying to explore the inner depths of your 'soul' and/or 'mind'....

...but i felt it was on and off...and at times lacked flow...no not rhyming...but flow of continuity and well, smoothness...er...well something like that...

but on the other hand, it had moments of real power, and at times allowed the reader to really get into it...

...respect...

i thought it was nice, i reaaally like it alot but u should have maybe more things rymin like make a verse out of certain words...its hard to explain but just try to ryme to the same sound more and reaaallly stretch out the verses... all and all it was tight

umm...i didn't understand that cry'n cuz they can't shed a tear...wtf is that about....well whatever...

i agree wit necro...i didn't really get the topic...and the flow of each line had a different one then the one above it...in a poem mostly all lines have to be like pretty much even....

uhhh...........6/10

Shed a tear as in show there fear or they keep it all inside