title- Dont Talk Back

watch how you talk/
watch where walk/
dont say the wrong thing/
when you in the wrong place/
dont let your smile pop up on ya face/
cause once gangstas see you, you be erased/
when you talk watch what you say/
cause up in the hood people like that be popped every day/
they dont like it when you talk back/
but the talk can leave you like a grim reaper, black/
watch your ass, u be hit with the murderous attack/
so dont talk back, cause you neva know/
when you meet a person who hold the heat/
learn the street, and protect ya seat/
for this life is all talk and no action/
im the killa, a murder distraction/
the back talk will leave you hurt on the street/
you talk back to the wrong person you be 6 feet deep/
the chit chat will leave you with a heart attack/
learn the street and dont talk back/

Hmmm, it sure isn't a nice 'enviroment' to be in....i'll testify to that..damn hoors...(!?)...

..but anyway, to the piece in a more technical sense....

..i felt it was too blunt...it didn't have the edge to it that would make it really leap out to the person reading it...no doubt here and there it had short 'bursts' of power....but overall, i felt the subject which you talked about, was met with too simple a structure, vocab and overall flow....

...i mean simplicity can usually be the most powerful of them all...but with all due respect, this one just didn't hit it off...

...still an alrgiht piece....and i can see talent, just gotta release it...er...no hate...

...respect..

Yeah, I thought it was a lil blunt too....

nice but no complexity, ya know?

good piece though

1

I thought it was pretty good, I thought it had a good flow to it overall and the simplicity struck me after reading it aloud the second time through, but quietly the simplicity does nothing for it. I felt a coldness in it, like it was intentionally made to be kind of bare because you wanted it to be raw and not really emotional. But that's just my take. I thought it was a nice peice though