power up cause seems now ya suck
your life will end when this hours up
i leave ya bone in a twist, you're only hoping for this
that i'm not choking ya bitch, or throwing the shit
I am the chosen above with the lotion of love
that'll let you bleed to death and turn the ocean to blood
I just use the frees of the dome, leave ya bleeding alone
now I'm exceeding the throne, to be breathing the tone
i'm the sickest of vets, left ripping the set
insisting a sec just before i start glitching the tech
you wish you were dead so seed ya stack
and i'll use ya spinal column as a cd rack
ya need be wack, but i can help this bitch reeks
i made him swallow his heart and he made shit beats
i rip sheets, the days'll sting when i blaze the scene
then dunk ya head between a razor ring
i'll snap and start trends, your rap will part friends
to bend you over and use ya back as a park bench
i'm bored as fuck thats why this only flows a little
but don't forget if i tried your blows are brittle

up

First off kid, how are you a ""vet"", when you have 2 (TWO) posts? Second, don't rhyme soooo much. It's not a poem, it's a freestyle. Some of your lines don't make sense to me... otherwise, it's aight. Keep workin' on it dunny.

i love it when newbies critque sumin i keyed up jkust showing i can flow.

and since when does a post count determine you are a vetran?
fuckin herbs roam this board.


now please tell me

"don't rhyme soooo much. It's not a poem, it's a freestyle."

how in the hell thay makes any sense at all?

yo i liked it.
some lines i didn't get, but i like where you said:

and i'll use ya spinal column as a cd rack

that's fresh.
nice flow.

werd thanx

one last up for this one

This Looks Like It Would Be Better Suited As An Auido Piece..

..As Tha Flow And Multi's Worked Well With Each Other

As A Text Battle Script It Was Pretty Bland, Just My Opinion