foriegn explorer, warning reporters of tortured orbits/
reforming the sources, born in the corals that scorched the waters/
Narcicyst stretches of travel, pattled in channels/
entrapped in capsules panelled in battles for maps of castles/
revolve like an axil, spin like a dradle thru ancient fables/
enabled and playful, stapled in cables, my flames are painful/
like naval offenses, pensively dented from independence/
intended to mend us, men that pretended to protect us/
my intentions for mortals, over mobiles, i buy coastal with noval/
proposals that told more horrors than mutated specimans in Chenorbyl/
i seen the hunger thru blurry lenses/
defence is government clenches and laughs over family pensions/
defining your horrid expenses of nuclear weapons/
so i keep sharper senses, so as not to be the next rotting in trenches/
precisity beckons, but i block it out in seconds/
i could transend into specteral dimensions thru astro projection/
a murderers fate has caused my morbid state/
and i question my actions...now am i deserving this hate/

Nice shit

thanks for uppin dunny...one

^what a horrible reply by that other guy...

This was nice, I was definately feelin this. You have elevated amazingly between this one and the last one I saw... the one called "A Short Freestyle" or something... This was ill I was really feeling it. I don't have any suggestions on how to elevate on this one. Keep doing this... Good Job

pz

oh... this shit was crazy... the flow was on point, the wordplay was hot... vocab was strong... shit wasn't too short or too long... it made sence too... it wasn't just big words put together to sound nice and shit... I was feeling it man...

-1-

thanks for the comments...i'm glad domain that you think i have elevated...i got that rhyme plus another verse made on an audio track...when i finish converting it imma post it in the songs forum....good looking out...one

Yhea this is tight shit. You took it a step further than just standard battle rhymes. The multis didn't seem fourced either. I'm not gonna even lie, at first I was gonna just label this as one of those 'dictionary rapper' type shit, but I took the time to read it and I see where you comin' from. Dope fo sho

__________________


Bang On The Table Productions

thanks for the reply...its like a new style i have delved into, multies are the shit and complexity is even better...thanks and good looking out...one

dis was a nice joint da multies were good and da flow was aight but the structure was umm ok but the other things were good nice metaz here and ther overall good piece..

nice sh!t hea man.Vocab like evry1 said wuz crazy but made sense.Then again u alwayz come ill.U sayin sum real stuff in there too..
"like naval offenses, pensively dented from independence/
intended to mend us, men that pretended to protect us/"

"i seen the hunger thru blurry lenses/
defence is government clenches and laughs over family pensions/"

those were mah faves.Hope too see more of ya stuff.Stay ^
-Avi

^^thanks for the feedback...you know you my favorite female mc...good looking out...always elevating and shit....and if you wanna tracks by me just holla namsyin....one

A yo hot shyt family..I was def feelin that....U had nice lil vocab n there and good creativity

Yeah, it was tight, good multies and topic... if you like multies check out my joint(monkee veiws)...

thanks for the feedback...its nice to finally have people reply to the shit im writin in here...it helps me grow as an mc when yall tell me what you think...good looking out...one