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Guest
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Yo help me out
IP: 7554 022F
tell me what u think, i know i got some problems in here but just help me out where i can be better, And i just started like 1 month ago
Ay yo I cut with razor blades// like shoulder blades// See the line that i made// down ur vertabrate// Its ok// But u might die the next day// Like Eminem said to Dre" Yall betta make way"// U still cant comprehend the words that i spit// U 4got who this is... its Spittin Quik// Comin through with this shit// Im like a mechanical pencil// Pushed in 2 feed u lead// With letter stencils// Put Quik initials in yo head// Cuz im that nice// Leavin niggas shook out they draws like the Poltergiest// And ill leave u spirtually hopeless/ Like a T.V show with no hostess// And what i tell u.. i won this battle// Here u go post this// |
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Got More Meds Than Pfizer
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IP: 5041 F8F4
not bad... you gotta work on longer lines, an' stringin' the lines together better.. u have some punches with no set up..
"I cut with razor blades// like shoulder blades// <---- this has no purpose....? See the line that i made// down ur vertabrate// Its ok//" you could've shortened that down to 2 lines with puncuation such as comma's or semi-colans... that also shows a pause instead of a whole new line.... it flowed pretty well, an' u had some a'ight meta's in there as well.. keep elevatin'
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Authentik Intelligence
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Guest
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IP: 7C3D F3BB
was aiight verse quik...gotsa make a few longer lines and all,and get them to thr same amount of sylables and shit otherwise the shit sounds offbeat,unless thats your style and you can counter it somehow...got some good lines in there though quik,maybe add them together to make the lines longer like blunt suggested...
bismillah |
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