http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...8200#post348200

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...8204#post348204

just a pair of tracks i'm working on, thought i'd shove em both in here for the sake of giving a decent length.

you aint shit.

stop fucking lying, you aint a gritty g/
your skills are more underdeveloped than mini me, i pity thee/
i spot you in clubs try'na get into drawers/
but you'd have more success try'na chat up walls/
standing there with a grim face like a squad of wonder men/
i'd give you a 0 on a scale of 1-10/
closet case, drink of choice, bicardii breezer/
and the only ice you own is in your fucking freezer/
your 1-2 mic cheque is as high as you can count/
the number of records sold and the ammount in your account/
plus your eyes are glazed over like you met a temptress/
so things for you look more bleak than memphis/

headfuck

(hook)
if the girl leading you on, you believing whats wrong/
or your boys creeping up on, your girl when you're gone/
situations jump out at you, make you get stuck/
it aint nothing but a headfuck/

(verse 1)
heres an example of how your life gets dismantled/
get swept off your feet like a rug planted and pulled/
i recall a young missy by the name of ruth/
kept a straight face when telling lies, same for truth/
she was my first queen, ma cherie, mi amour/
the kind of girl i would run to the furthest store for/
pulled me out of depression, snapped me out of aggression/
it was a very hard lesson when the girl started stressin'/
see, i knew she was religious but not to what degree/
said sex was off limits til you stop and marry me/
figured i could talk her out of it, but the plot thickens/
when she told me the newsflash, thought i would drop kittens/
a little thing, my gran reads tea leaves and the future/
when i told this info, ruth turned and abused her/
said "its the devil whispering secrets, i know too well/
and you and your whole family and going to hell"/

(hook)


feedback?

I felt this piece.
Nice lil spit.
Thanks for tha reply to me.
Keep spittin em and I'll be beakin.
One Hundred..

nicci niceness johnny,keep shit going,liked that spit,gimme a holla on my post in open mic...i like the ending part bout the tea radin an shit haha mad funny,propz

bismillah

not bad.. first verse was tight, not feelin' the second one as much, it was a good story but, the flow was off a-bit an' it made me lose intrest... the hook was a'ight, but I couldn't catch tha beat to it... I like the 'head fuck' title tho.. that's straight.. uppin'

__________________

people need to stop replying to my shit with "this was tight, peep mine" coz i aint gonna do it. and some actual contructive feedback would be appriciated.

the first verse was better? no it wasnt.

^^I thought the second verse was better too. The first verse wasn't nothing to original. just talking about sombody thats lame, but in all respect it seems like a lazy attempt at it. But the second verse was way better material for a song. You kept my intersest and the story is interesting and some cats prolly can relate to it.

__________________


Bang On The Table Productions

uppinh this^^