In these days that we live in, nothin goes right
people always gettin murdered and shot at at night
so why da fuck is this world like dis, we shud all get along
we shud all be togethor dawg killing is wrong
i know some of you are thinkin, 'dis guys a moron'
but what if it happened to your family, who den is da mong
my cousin dawg he was just twenty seven
he didnt deserve to die and go right to heaven
this prick that killed him, aint gonna survive
cos im gonna make sure that da bad people die
so fuck wot i said about all gettin along
and the shit i bin sayin bout murder is wrong
cos when you murder some faggot cos it has to be done
make sure you kill da fucker blow his head off wit a shotgun
cos whoeva has business to deal with deal with it right
and make sure you dont kill da fuckas right in daylight
you go to your dealers and get a fat score
smoke it, find da faggot and beat his head wit a 2 by 4
and then you finish him off wit dat shotgun
and theres no turnin back cos wots dun is dun
this faggots got a son, hes da same as my age
so imma torture dis faggot, mash his head with a spade
imma make sure he never forgets wot his father did
this nerd is a moron, the knife he actually hid
imma send him to heaven on a one way trip
cos this aint a bus ride dawg this is real life its sick
so this is enough info i need you to know
rest in peace Colin, i love you so!!

stop sleepin on me. WAKE UP and tell me wot ya think!!!!

iight. I loved the topic. It was sick. Thats the kind of topics i like.
iight now heres the bad parts. juss my opinion so dont take it wrong.
first never counterdict yourself in a verse. Thats not good.
second devolope a consistant rhyme scheme and stick to it
this will help your flow. cuz you have the words you juss gotta put them in a consistant pattern, that will help your flow alot.
Im not gonna say use better vocab because u could feel this piece. I felt the meaning behind it and thats whats important.
nice piece overall. if u wanna try that shit i told u go ahead if not thats cool. juss my opinions.
keep dispersin

aight there is 2 lines that dont work

In these days that we live in, nothin goes right
people always gettin murdered and shot at, at night

ithink if u just take the comma out it will work, remember comma means pause

ill keep that in mind gran thef, cheers dawg

Fiori

cheers for da help A2Z if you look now, i modified it.

Fiori

stop sleepin people

let me know

This was aight fuck-head...
thugged out script..for a thugged out bitch..lol

keep elevatin tho..

mayb sumday you will reach the illnes level of your idol.....me..lol

peace sheep tosser
one love

dont sleep on dis people...

let me know...

i aint into the gangsta side of things but it was aiight,your flow sounded a bit off to me,and a coupl eof lines didnt match i think A2Z pulled them up,also with the lines that a2z spoke of,get rid of one of the ats in the last line nahmean,no need for getting shot at at night nahmean,just gettin shot at night sounds tight.but anyway this was an aiight spit fiori keep elevating nahmean,peep my shit sometime in open mic.
bismillah