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Old 04-16-03, 07:52 AM   #1
[*¤ÐîMêØñФ* ]
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Simple Love ~ Poem

IP: 103A 8E1F

I wish i could say i am ok ~ being with out you,
but im sad - im crying ~ baby i got the blues \
Im not afraid of losing you ~ or that our love could end,
im afraid because your tears are falling & im not there to mend,
i cant be where you are ~ to hold your hand /

Im longing for the day ~ that im in your arms,
when everything is perfect & calm \
But now, you are far away,
if i had one wish ~ it would of been that you stayed /
But i loved you enough to watch you go,
knowing these five months are going to go slow,
even if you did ask if you should of stayed i would of said no,
as in this time apart ~ our love will grow \


Im dreaming about the day the ship docks in,
i`ll be waiting nerviously with your kin,
craving for you kisses & touching /
There will only be tears of happiness,
& love will be the only feeling i possess \
Thinking about that day is what keeps me going,
you get back on the 28th ~ it helps knowing /

So, baby i just wanted you to know everything cool,
our love is so strong & we are going to pull through \
Nothings going to change ~ except for my age,
just keep your mind on good things like when we get engaged,
i love you so much & in every single way,
i am yours & you are mine for ~ forever & a day /
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Old 04-17-03, 12:33 AM   #2
Lyrically InSane
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nice piece naw mean i was feelin this part =Im longing for the day ~ that im in your arms,
when everything is perfect & calm \
But now, you are far away,
if i had one wish ~ it would of been that you stayed /
But i loved you enough to watch you go,
knowing these five months are going to go slow,
even if you did ask if you should of stayed i would of said no,
as in this time apart ~ our love will grow \


be cause i was in this situation before so keep it up shorty and check out my thread im new to this so be real and let me know what u think
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Old 04-17-03, 12:50 AM   #3
[*¤ÐîMêØñФ* ]
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Thanx , this poem means alot to me,
my mans in iraq i miss him so much!!!

Thanx

1
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Old 04-17-03, 01:06 AM   #4
Lyrically InSane
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u welcome so check my piece out aight n stay up shorty ~1~
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Old 04-17-03, 02:05 PM   #5
AngelicSheShe
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It was a simple poem .. sorry about where your man is at. I feel you there. But on the subject of elevating try working on vocab. OoNnEe
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Old 04-17-03, 04:05 PM   #6
shiznit
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Re: Simple Love ~ Poem

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Quote:
Originally posted by [*¤ÐîMêØñФ* ]

Im longing for the day ~ that im in your arms,
when everything is perfect & calm \
But now, you are far away,
if i had one wish ~ it would of been that you stayed /
But i loved you enough to watch you go,
knowing these five months are going to go slow,
even if you did ask if you should of stayed i would of said no,
as in this time apart ~ our love will grow \





i like this part...but yeah i agree...need to up with the vocab and try to be more descriptive..not that its a bad thing but over all i like it...i can relate ...ive been in long distance relationship before and my man was like 3 hours away...we tried to work things out but it didnt work out....well keep doin ur thang gurll.....keep em commin
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Old 04-17-03, 11:00 PM   #7
[*¤ÐîMêØñФ* ]
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^ not really same situation at all .

Thanx
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Old 04-18-03, 10:10 AM   #8
varentao
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Re: Re: Simple Love ~ Poem

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Quote:
Originally posted by shiznit



i like this part...but yeah i agree...need to up with the vocab and try to be more descriptive..not that its a bad thing but over all i like it...i can relate ...ive been in long distance relationship before and my man was like 3 hours away...we tried to work things out but it didnt work out....well keep doin ur thang gurll.....keep em commin


Heh. What Dime said, not the same at all really.

Your 'man' is three hours away, probably working or studying, at worst struggling in some ghetto. Whilst her 'man' is in Iraq, fighting (well now trying to keep the peace), his life under constant threat...

...well i liekd the piece, simple, to the point, depicting your emotions raw as you always do...

...resp....
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Old 04-18-03, 03:45 PM   #9
J3SUS CHR1ST
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Im longing for the day ~ that im in your arms,
when everything is perfect & calm \

Keep writing
I really enjoy'd this peice
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Old 04-20-03, 09:49 PM   #10
[*¤ÐîMêØñФ* ]
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Thanx varentao know ya always got my back,
peeps treating me like im a newbie or something!!

anyways, thanx yall

1
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Old 04-21-03, 01:12 AM   #11
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yo that was deep look at beware of the boy/my life under open mic
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Old 04-22-03, 06:32 AM   #12
~Soultress~
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*jaw drops*

see what happens when I leave? I miss all this!!
Girl..you should stand tall n be brave you have a man
over there fighting....n hold ya head up boo..
cause i'm sure he'll be safe n sound n back in ur
arms in no time...

As for the poem...sheer expression that was so
evident all the way through...you really showed your
heart in this piece..and you can tell it was genuine..

stay up..mannnnnn there are so many new ppl here
I feel all lost now..

~Soul~
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Old 04-23-03, 07:46 AM   #13
[*¤ÐîMêØñФ* ]
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word ^ i hardly know anyone ... they all newbies calling
me a newbie haha shit!

Thanx so much gurl

pz
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Old 04-23-03, 08:54 AM   #14
*~BaKardii~*
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*~Dayum~*

I'm a uh ~"newbie"~ to the poetry
site but I know a good piece
when I see it mommie
This piece was off the ricter and now I really
do feel you because I have family in Iraq fighting for this
*country* I know it's not the same type of relationshyp
but I miss them just as much
ANYWAY mi'ha this piece was really nice I liked the
fact that you are in tune with your feelings
keep up wit this ya hear
*~Holler~*
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Old 04-23-03, 12:57 PM   #15
varentao
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Stop calling everyone a newbie. It doesn't matter. It is what it is...
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