Took about a 45 mins to do this, just came in my head, even though i was about to go to sleep, and so i CHURNED it out...erm...heh?!?!...but yeah, quite raw, but i'm happy with it...even though i might ammend it later if i believe it can be more well written...cos i only proof read it once...you know, the odd word changed or whatever...anyway....here it is...


Doom days beckon upon sunny hills
As the children play in bliss of innocence
Leaders stand tall with defiant words
Screams of joy to fall into fears' trap...

Dawn soon comes to smell of rotting..
Amidst the soothing sounds of streams
Whilst blooded sons go to die in vein
For green desire of the fat cats reign

"Why do they hide?" the sun slowly cries
As a fox is torn apart by dogs of prey*
Amid the dust of time that slowly settles
Howls of pain haunt these days of darkness

Rhetoric now breaks into hollow abyss
Which masses of sheep still devour in terror
While the knowing are thrown to societys curb
As irony grins at laughter of peasents n kings...


*Dunno if this happens in USA, or Canada...(well it does, but i'm not sure if it is well publicised or that wide spread)...but in UK, foxes, who are seen as pests, are hunted down for sport, and killed, usually by specially trained, bloody thirsty dogs who tear them apart....Pest control they call it.....and no, the piece aint about the issue of 'hunting foxes with dogs' as such...let's just say, like the first two paragraphs, 2nd lines, it brings a sense of 'normality' and 'everyday' like thing to it...erm....like subtle symbolism in a way....or something like that...(!)....

Actually, if memory serves me, killing foxes is against the law. I'm not sure, I do know killing wolves is illegal. And killing dogs is just plain not nice.

Anyway, this was a great peice especially considering the cirumstances. (Personally, I strive on taking those extra fourty five minutes of my time by sleeping.) This really got out the idea of unfairness in things when those in charge have no idea what it's like to be lower class.

Mo-mentai.

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Oh is it? Well maybe in certain states?!...

And 'word' for getting part of the intepretation...you're most insightful *tips bowler hat and drinks some tea before taking a bit out of his scone*...

necro pretty much summed it up...i guess....well i get this piece... not bad of a drop...keep it up...

this was a good piece i like the style you posses not many people can use symbolism in poetry... im still learning and readin your work insights me so i guess what im tryin to say is keep doin what you do. i mean its something you are good at. 1

It's usually very selfish the way i write...i very rarely cater for the reader...(as people will testify when trying to find the meaning, it becomes maybe a bit too personal)....cryptic...but i guess that's who i want it...(to 'let out' what's in my head, what's been seen, what i've lived, what i've heard....yet still protect it all from anyone truly 'getting it all'...er...)...

....anyway, respect..

deadily to the point of disturbing imagery threw out this peice. i read this like 3 times and i got a diffrent and more indept message everytime i re-read this. i liked it though from front to back. stay up and stay evolvin.

peace

tanks...

i mean thanks

your style is origional and ever since youve been on her you never really branched outbut hav aways stayed pretty nice with it
im allabout rhymin and you dont do that but yor pieces are still poetry anddfinately worth readng..well done homie peace

~Content~

Thanks, even though i disagree on the 'branching out' part, as i used to do many different styles, but ended up now sticking to this on here...

...respect....

The only reason i notice that people find your poems good and not extremely unrealistic is because poetry to the majority is basically about ryhming and flow. I dug your SHIT and it was Blazing with feeling. Real world issues in surreal words. . .

One
Varentao we got to put our minds and flow into one someday

For sure....one day we must...(even though my collab skills are poor)....

....so till the day comes, respect...

Actually Necro. Was chilling around town, and got talking to this American guy from Massacheusets(sp). Said fox hunting is legal there (with dogs). But varies from state to state...

The last one I read from you was the one where I thought you were describing hell. You told me that that one could be interpreted different ways and this one seems the same way. Like you said, you don't really cater to the reader and don't go into exactly what's going on. I like that. It's fun trying to imagine what it's about, and actually thinking about it.

I dunno if this will make me look like an idiot cause I may be waaay off here but when I read it I thought about war or something like that.

"Doom days beckon upon sunny hills
As the children play in bliss of innocence
Leaders stand tall with defiant words
Screams of joy to fall into fears' trap..."

I guess the 3rd line in that is what made me think the war thing. The 4th line made me think like the soldiers yelling and screaming ready for war..getting fired up, then starting to get scared right before it happens.

"Dawn soon comes to smell of rotting..
Amidst the soothing sounds of streams
Whilst blooded sons go to die in vein
For green desire of the fat cats reign"

The first line here made me think they went all night fighting and in the morning there was a lot of bodies and death. Then that 3rd line where it says blooded sons go to die in vein, well that made me think it was about war too. Like back in the old days..

lol, I think I tried to explain why I thought this way just in case I was way off with what you were really trying to say. Even if I was, I liked reading it.