i wrote dis shit las night, but it got deleted cause of da cunstruction shit, its a lil diffrent cause i didnt memorize wat i wrote, dis is fo' my fatha, n e one else whos dad was abusive den left em w/ out a trace u'll lik dis shit.....

Dear Dad,

Im writtin to, ta let u kno dat i aint fallin frum dese bouldas/
shit, u left us standin alone in da rain, da wourld on my shouldas/
i was only a kid back den dad , couldnt do nuthin but hold us/
u took off dat night wit ur bitch, if u were a man u'd a told us/
memories a befo' u lef, u drunk hittin my motha and me/
i jus guess u couldnt see, da man i wuld grow up ta be/
u started it , planted da seed, now i'm cuttin down da tree/
afta da fire,me holdin my my ma and bro, standin ova da debree/
rememba u tellin ya friends i aint lik u, but bitch u not lik me./
afta u lef ma was depressed, and ta raise ur son, my brotha/
got inta sum bad shit, became hated by my own motha/
even though i built dis family, couldnt seem ta do nuthin right/
there i was empty beer in my hand, cryin alone in da night/
its lik da war still aint ended, gotta continue fightin dis fight/
man u coulda been a real fatha, helped keep my future bright/
all alone against da world, aint no story, dis is my real life/
a 7 year old , stealin bread in da store, ta fil my brothas hunga/
gav it ta my ma,and bro, didnt tak n e thin cause he was younga/
hadnt eatin fo' days, starvin lookin fo' at least a crumb/
despreate fo' anythin, thinkin bout eatin my thumb/
started blackin out, goin crazy, my body soon became numb/
salvagin sum clothes at good will, i was basically a bum/
all because u culdnt handle da heat, couldnt be a man/
if i eva see ur fagget ass, best belive u gettin my back hand/
i've had hatred in my body, its now sunken in my brain/
dont eva botha cumin back, r i'll buy u a ticket bac ta da train/
fuck dat, "lik father lik son", cause bitch we aint da same/ this is me now, alone n da corna chuggin my lif down my througt/
shit is pathetic, in winta we so poor, cant afford a fuckin coat/
mama's w/ a new man now, me and my bro i aint got no one/
we alone day and night, lookin inta an empty moon and sun/
but da Lord has shown me his son, kept me liftin da gun/
i neva be lik u, if i mak a promise 2 my family, i hold it til da death/ was unda wata, my childhood, but now i'm lettin out my breath/
see i gotz my own family, not blood but my tru 10 friends/
them and God hav helped me up wen i fall, ova and ova again/
all those dawgs, hav helped me raise this fucked up family im in/
still theres a hole in my heart, since da night dat u bailed/
eva since u took my freedom, my life has been derailed/
i've neva followed n e one, shit i mak my own damn trail/
now when i say dis shit i aint lyin , i'm bein totally true/
4m age 5 ta 14, raised a fuckin family, and did it wit out you.......

very good rhyme and also very realistic ... did you experience this .. if you didnt you certainly got my feelin it .. so well dun peace.

yea dawg, uppin but i spilled my heart on dis drop, i went thruogh evrey moment of it, huh still am, well thx 4 writtin playa i'll be sure ta check out ur next drop aight, much love brotha

No problem and dude you gotta put that onto audio .. fosure.

uppin, playa, thx

great rhyme man, i felt ya... u do have alott to say, there are some fucked up shit that has happened to u...
anyways.. it was a great post.. keep it up dawg

ps. u could use some more metaphors and shit.. but dont force things in that u dont feel...just keep it real..

peace

yea if u tak a look at sum otha shit dat i posted, u culd see i use alot a metaphores, so i thought i might leave a few out, and jus spit, so i was tryin ta jus spill my heart, i jus sat down and wrote, ya kno? well thx fo' postin and i'll be sure ta check out ya next drop, much love playa

very touching.. I think it would have sounded more intelligent if you would have spelt things out all the way. This peice is a good one. also try to elevate on vocabulary. Nice peice OoNnEe...

I definetly felt that shit dawg, good rhyme

Peace

Bruva check ma rhyme at http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=42217

uppin, thx evryone who hit me back, i'll mak sur ta check out all ya'lls next post, and angelicsheshe i'll tak da advice, and i only spelled shit short, cause i wanted mor room, but i see where u cumin frum, thx evry one, much love

still waitin on any 1 ta peep dis, i'll be uppin, peace ya'll

Yo brova i wrote yah a pm read.. plz peace.

still waitin'