Nervousness Crept Under Me and Never Left...
Sweat Beated On My Forehead......
Numbness Was Circulating In Both My Legs.........
Deeep Down Inside I wished I was Dead........
Because Nothing Explained this Drain Of Tame I was Feeling......
Everytime I Swallowed , It felt Like A Big Lump was in My Throat...
Trapped In A Prison , Took a Sip But I Choke , Tried Climbing The Rope You Can't Provoke............
Looked Left and Right , But still Nothing Was Insight....
Heart Filled With Fright......
Shivering In The Cold Windy Night...........
Wondering , Where was I.............
I kept Questioning Myself........Was This Reality Or was This a Dream????..................
But All Of Sudden........I heard Footsteps comming Towards My Cell.........
My Jaw Dropped , and My Lips Quivered in Fright.......
It was a Soldier Armed With A Prodded Rifle and Night Goggles...
Aiming The Barrel Right in The Middle Of My Stomach......
And Said............. " Bash , If You Wish To Live , Remove Your Pistol From Your Belt "..
I Quicky Shouted " I didnt Know The Gun Was There "..
My Eyes Was Filled With Bromide Fear........
Then Out Of Nowhere........I heard a Person say...
"Shoot! , Open Fire!..................
The Muffled Explosions Of The British Pistols Erupted......
Bullets Smoke Filled The Air...............
A Soldier Fell right infront Of The Ramp , His Head Was Slumped , and his eyes was Stoke , Staring Downward into the Moving Smoke ,
I knew He Was Dead...
And Another Soldier Crept Behind Me......So I Took his Kit , His Vlack Vest , His Weapons , and his Life....
My Hand Gripped The Cloth , Bunching The Shirt around The
Blood Soaked Area , As Knuckles and Wrist Drenched The Barrier.....
Seconds Later......Gun Fights Broke Out Outside........
There Were All Kinds Of Soldiers With Rifles...Silencers and A-Ks at Their Side...
I Knew This was My Chance , and I knew My Escape Would Be a Clean Advance.....
So I made My Way to an Army Automobile.....
But Suddenly , An Officer Pushed Me Away From The Window...
So I grabbed His Gun Without Thinking about Anything Less..
I Fired Multiple Bullets Right Through His Chest.......
Then I Quickly Lurched Out The Doors and Crossed Swiftly Infront of The Bass and Knocked Down It's HeadLights....
....But I Couldnt Find Any Keys.......When I Looked Around I was Surrounded By Thousands Of Soldiers.....Our Eyes Made Connection......And I was Captured in a Complicated Invasion........Damn!!!!...

....................................To Be Continued............................

This is PT.1...................PT.2 will be much better.....................I hope ya all liked it..................Give me some feedback , I dont give if it's positive feedback or if it's negative feedback...........

hmm this had a good topic and the effort you put in can easliy be seen

it was nice how you put yourself in the situation and the endind had me scrolling down to find the rest...

flow was off but in the story mode it doesnt matter too much
the story was good... great drop kid
let me know when part 2 is up

if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81665

Hmmm..since i've been replying to a lot of oepn mics lately i'll give you some feedback...
This was a decent,probably the best open mic i've seen today.Topic was good,it'd make a better audio though.Try some multis and vocab.Your structure was a little off so it made it diffucult to read,improve on that in partII.
1

thought this was a very nice piece, nice topic an u held it well...

waqnna c pt 2.......

b appreceated if u responded to ma open mic

^Thats not a reply^

anyway, this was a dope piece, dawg. The storytelling aspect of it was dope, you explained each scene, each feeling perfectly. You made things personel with lines like:

"Numbness Was Circulating In Both My Legs.........
Deeep Down Inside I wished I was Dead........"

You had a great array of vocab throught, not one bar was left out, and it fitted in with the story, it wasn't just a bunch of 10 letter words that mean't nothin, it takes skill in order to execute that skill, and you done it nicely.

Your structure was nice, had the look of a freestyle, but had the content of a thoughtful emotional piece..tight.

Overall:8/10, will peep part 2. mos def. It was good overall, try to keep the bars more of the same length...

can you peep my piece "Looking Back", gettin sleeped on a bit..cheers dawg. - http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81471

This was a dope story telling...Even better than in playschool and i used to wet myself cuz it was so exciting

LOL

I'm aNb man...and you repped it strongly...

Props

i await prt 2 ths was good win i felt through each line and liked how consitanet you are peep mines

Enjoyed the story, you really made the shit flow while holding a storyline, multis and wordplay was ace too, vocab solid ... i awiat the secoond part...

Thanks dawg...................The second part will be the sickest open mic ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....Still upping............

Also Upping...

wow this was a good piece bash...this was kinda deep though, im awaitin pt2 of clean getaway...anywayz keep up the good work and peep my album in songs "hypnotic-bout that time" and give some feedback

__________________
.TCS.