Yo give me some feed back ye

Im gonna be glad wen I die/
do you wanna know why ?/
because when i say hi/
I get no fuckin reply/
what about when i say bye/
all i get is "when that kid gonna die?"/
Tears run down from my eyes like rain/
but all it really shows is my pain/
I talk to myself does this mean im insane?/
when I die what everyone gonna gain?/
how I gonna die wrist to razor ?/
die in the future at the hands of a laser/ (lazor)
now tell me if my lifesy worth fighting for ?/

we're all gonna die/
end up in the sky/
question is how u gonna go out?/
die one day walking about ?/
die at the hands of thugs ?/
die because of drugs ?/

before you ask, I mean every word of this rap/
only reason i rap, is to fill the gap/
this gap is like void/
this void begins wen i get annoyed/
my temper will be the death of me/
When I die I dont wanna be shot in the knee/
I wanna die fast not slow n painfully/
When I die my body will drop/
I'll die listening to hip hop/
maybe I'll be killed by a cyborg/
what eva happens my body will lie in a morge/
My body unclaimed/
ill be the only body with no name/

we're all gonna die/
end up in the sky/
question is how u gonna go out?/
die one day walking about ?/
die at the hands of thugs ?/
die because of drugs ?/

we're all gonna die/
end up in the sky/
question is how u gonna go out?/
die one day walking about ?/
die at the hands of thugs ?/
die because of drugs ?/

Sometimes I think my life needs a revamp/
But other times I jus need a lamp/
to lead me the right way/
cuz if i got the left way ill regret & pay/
my last requests/
make me look my best/
and put my head in a basket/
the rest in a casket/
head seathered by a guilotine/
lets jus say good bye cuz its the last time ill be seen/

we're all gonna die/
end up in the sky/
question is how u gonna go out?/
die one day walking about ?/
die at the hands of thugs ?/
die because of drugs ?/

(music becomes fainter)
we're all gonna die/
end up in the sky/
question is how u gonna go out?/
die one day walking about ?/
die at the hands of thugs ?/
die because of drugs ?/

(no music)
Ye im gonna die the question is will ya miss me ?

yo man, yo improving all the time, nice short flow, interesting concept, try and up the vocabulary a bit and try and make verses longer, but yo elevating all da time keep writing man, cant wait 2 hook up and spit some rhymes this summer :-)

yes this was coo, take the advice the mrb told ya

uppin 4 some more thanks 4 who as replied so far

I liked this man...................deep ish..........

<---------- Camarac.

I thought this was pretty good man, i havent read any of your pieces in a long ass time since before we collabed in fact, this was pretty good, flow was nice, bars were too short to really do anything with, try to make each one around 13-16 syllables to get the flow down, it wasnt a bad piece though Wooshy, reply to mine when you get time.

thanks ya'll vortex im on replyin 2 ya

cmon uppin 4 some more

cmon people show me some love

show the boy some godamm respect and reply

i like it, deep stuff, havent heard a lot of your other stuff but im hoping it will be as good as this.

thanks ya'll still upin fo some more cmon Rapbattles show me some love

im takin it this rhyme is wack as fuck then

This needs work. Flow was off, simple vocabulary. You had the emotion in there tho.