workin on punch lines, critics?

My rhymes will drop you to your knees
like a fat bitch with weak cankles,
while you catchin your breath,
is when i bring lyrical death.
my rap bringin disease,
thatll spread faster than SARS in china,
talkin bout how u gunna fuck me up,
bitch you got a vagina!
with ur basketball jersey boy u think ur a balla,
only way ull get a shot is to pay a docta a dolla,
ill have u eatin my words like a fat man at a buffet,
pimp slappin you bar for bar without delay,
now ur startin to choke im puttin strain on your windpipe,
playas round here would think ur deep throatin mike,
(mike who? MIKE DICK)
i know that the only stickey you smokin is in a meat cigar,
your raps filled with more drama than an opera star!

readin it i don't really like it lol, eh whatever

why dont you like it? i reckon it was pretty mad

A couple were hot a couple were not. a couple were played. a couple were gay. What can I say.

__________________
A.K.A Werdz Worthless

cool flow, i like it, shit, its a start but i like it.. keep on flowin what you know is best homie..

i used to feel same way. and i wish some 1 woulda told me what im bout to tell u. a long,long.long.long time ago... i used to overe word lines like you do. thing is. you only need to write as much as to be understood. dont over word. overwording=garbage. fix that problem ud be nice.

very valid point, taken to heart, hopefully my next write up will reflect that ive learned, thanx man

your welcome dog. This is what true hip hop is all about, inspiring souls to rise up and learn more shit.. I don't care how bad or good it sounds, i know its one of the best in my book..