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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-31-03, 03:01 AM
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#1
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Guest
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First rap
IP: EC0B 8928
Yo this is my first rap so i dont expect alot of compliments but if you could drop some advice that would be hot.
Yo its tough when your life has been rough/ and you try to drain your problems by drinking cans of duff/ so you go out drunk and find yourself on your knees in cuffs/ and your wishing you didnt down all those pills and stuff/ so you make a note that this is enough this isnt a bluff/ and as your lying on the cold cell floor you finaly admited your not that tough/ ......im not even sure i like it... |
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05-31-03, 03:17 AM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: EC0B 8928
Ya need to work on length as well as building the voacb.
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05-31-03, 03:18 AM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: EC0B 8928
ok thanks
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05-31-03, 03:45 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: 4577 CD9A
okay, this is constructive criticism so dont get mad.... vocab needs to be a lot better; vocab is key in raps, , wordplay and flow has to be better, use similes and metaphors (im gettin real technical) i hope u know what similes and metaphors are lol....
but take my advice..... spit somethin else later, and i'll critique it again.... |
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05-31-03, 04:01 AM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 94E5 4B0F
sup,
you got potential stay rappiing bout real shit, work on your length, and definitely get some metaphors and up the vocab |
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05-31-03, 01:16 PM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: 14A5 AA00
thanks i will work on the similies and metaphors. Ya i know what they are lol. gimme a few and i will post up something else.
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05-31-03, 01:17 PM
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#7
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BANNED for biting
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IP: FF98 53B8
U have to really work on this........Rhyme scheme was really Simple.........Up ur vocab
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06-01-03, 02:17 AM
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#8
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Registered User
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IP: 4577 CD9A
It's good to see a nigga dats like me on RB.
New and learnin. Mex take all da advice even from Bash. Yeah Bash got good advice but he sleep onniggas to much. If u want sumthin to sleep on Bash sleep on da way u recycle a bunch of old ass songs. Holla Back Bitch ass Bash. Mex dat was a aight drop but just like da otha niggas said just like me u need to elivate. Up da vocab like I need to andmak da verses harder to understand. Not no elementary shit like da shit I'm improvin. I bet u think dis shit is real basic huh? |
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