ay yo it's been a long ass time since i've written i'm just tryin to see if i still got it in me. so give me feedback


every mornin i get up and look in the mirror and all i see is the other me/
askin myself what i've become cus now no one wants to bother me/
do i even have true friends that i can have trust in and believe/
or will i support myself when my love ones around me start to leave/
i don't know if i have enough potential in my soul to maintain/
now you lookin at me like i'm insane ready to take the blame/
cus that's all i do when somebody gets in trouble/
damn i'm already diggin my own grave with a shovel/
cus nobody cares about my feelins inside my emotions i hide/
no one even cared or tried to comfort me when i cried/
so now i'm askin who will i rely on in my life/
will it be no one cus i'm not afraid to pick up this knife/
you don't have to tell me i already know i'ma reject/
damn why can't you accept, all i want is respect/
now ya not liking the other me, damn cus you didn't like the real me/
ya so complex can't make up ya mind it's so confusing/
i give up up i will never win this i'm already loosing/

plz give me advice or feedback so i can fix it cus i'm tryin to write a song cus this is the 1st verse.

peace

uppin

Concept were good, but lyrics weren't that great. If this is for audio, you need more multis. The rhyme scheme is way too basic.

tight tight tight

this was a pretty good piece dude.
I liked the emotion that was behind it, made me feel it.
it had a good topic, but the flow was a little off, and you need to work on style of writing.
Rather than just being yourself in your piece, try telling a story, or taking a different perspective.
This was decent though.
Peace

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

yeah understatement said it good, but it does need more multis if u intend to do this in audio

pay back the favor: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=57711

every mornin i get up and look in the mirror and all i see is the other me/
askin myself what i've become cus now no one wants to bother me/
do i even have true friends that i can have trust in and believe/
or will i support myself when my love ones around me start to leave


Damn nice piece here man...you got my attention..couldnt stop readin..aight aight..keep bangin

a'ight thanx for the feedback