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Old 06-10-03, 09:40 PM   #1
Teeny
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Question what is Pain?

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what is pain?

is pain when you get pricked with a thorn?
dropped when you were born?
or when your skin is all torn?

what is pain?

is pain when you dont make the team?
when you fall off the beam?
or when you just cant see that special gleam?

what is pain?

is pain a broken heart?
when you and your love part?
or when your life just wont start?

there is so much pain
how can you avoid it?
there is also so much happiness
but how can you afford it?
everyone goes through pain
its a main course of life
it comes and goes
but your heart is sharper than any knife
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Old 06-10-03, 09:48 PM   #2
jokester
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that was some really good shit that i just heard from u man that was excellent$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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Old 06-11-03, 05:21 AM   #3
KeVLaR
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this piece wasn't all that great....but it wasn't that bad either...

i feel like you didn't explore what pain is to it's full extent... so i felt like this piece lacked sum things...

vocab, and imagery weren't that gud....and i know this a poem and shit... but it still needs sum kind of rythm to it...a flow and personally this piece lacked that....

rat'n...6
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Old 06-11-03, 12:47 PM   #4
ILLusions
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Nice, I liked this one............

simple but it showed a good image........

keep droppin'
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Old 06-16-03, 09:47 PM   #5
Teeny
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thank you
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Old 06-16-03, 10:16 PM   #6
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the last line "your heart is sharper than any knife"
that was awesome
i enjoyed this poem, but i felt it was missing something.
im just not sure what it is..
meh, oh well, good overall
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Old 06-19-03, 01:05 AM   #7
Teeny
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yeah i feel that way too, that it makes you think but not hard enuff....or something like that lol
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