my heart beatin and beatin like the soul of an african drum//
blood rushin through every canal of my manhood provokin the expecing cum//
the scent of loves perfume is easily noticed with it's presence//
my tounge begins to dance as it's ready to taste her essence//
our bodies meet with heat, with sweat pumping from every pore//
and as i proceed to speak in tounges she's screamin "more baby more"//
with her orgasim approaching she shivers with every touch//
she pulls me up looks in my eyes and whispers "baby you're just too much"//
i begin kissing her neck holding her tight and clenching her butt//
secretly smiling as she moans and groans wih thrust after thrust//
she rolls me onto my back straddles me as if to ride me into the sunset//
up and down back and forward i'm surprised i haven't cummed yet//
from the bed to the floor, to the wall to the door//
from to point of ecstacy to where our bodies become sore//
with compashionate aggression my baby knows that she is mine//
cause we raced through her favoite postions but slowed down at 69//

in my opinion i thought this was pretty ok but i need crit aight holla back

__________________
shut the fuck up

even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun

dead in middle of little of little italy
little did we know that we riddle
some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun

c'mon people don't sleep on this man this was original shit

__________________
shut the fuck up

even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun

dead in middle of little of little italy
little did we know that we riddle
some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun

haha great stuff
keep er up
peace

what the fuck people why are ya'll sleepin so damn hard on this

__________________
shut the fuck up

even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun

dead in middle of little of little italy
little did we know that we riddle
some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun

i thought this was too hot kid somethin that you use at the crib shit was nice

this seemed real down to earth, you really captured the experience of 2 lovers and their passion for each other. keep up the good work


(sorry i cant help u out any on this one, this just isnt my styel of poems, peace)

alright...this piece is very interesting...

Imagery was most likely to stood out on this one...the flow is aight..not that great but it was smooth...vocabs are good...some words are a bit off but i think i got the reason whyd u use them...

just one thing...if ur gonna write this kinds of poems...dont u think it would be better if u put more like metaphors or like deep words that would express more of what u want the readers to understand ya kno...

well thats just my constructive critism...hehe

i liked it tho....hope to see more!

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<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>