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Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
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Flyweight
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untitled: but it's for the ladies mostly
IP: AACE C7B5
my heart beatin and beatin like the soul of an african drum//
blood rushin through every canal of my manhood provokin the expecing cum// the scent of loves perfume is easily noticed with it's presence// my tounge begins to dance as it's ready to taste her essence// our bodies meet with heat, with sweat pumping from every pore// and as i proceed to speak in tounges she's screamin "more baby more"// with her orgasim approaching she shivers with every touch// she pulls me up looks in my eyes and whispers "baby you're just too much"// i begin kissing her neck holding her tight and clenching her butt// secretly smiling as she moans and groans wih thrust after thrust// she rolls me onto my back straddles me as if to ride me into the sunset// up and down back and forward i'm surprised i haven't cummed yet// from the bed to the floor, to the wall to the door// from to point of ecstacy to where our bodies become sore// with compashionate aggression my baby knows that she is mine// cause we raced through her favoite postions but slowed down at 69// in my opinion i thought this was pretty ok but i need crit aight holla back
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shut the fuck up even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun dead in middle of little of little italy little did we know that we riddle some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun |
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Flyweight
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IP: AACE C7B5
c'mon people don't sleep on this man this was original shit
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shut the fuck up even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun dead in middle of little of little italy little did we know that we riddle some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun |
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That's Right...I'm White
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IP: EB99 F91D
haha great stuff
keep er up peace |
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Flyweight
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IP: AACE C7B5
what the fuck people why are ya'll sleepin so damn hard on this
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shut the fuck up even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun dead in middle of little of little italy little did we know that we riddle some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun |
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Guest
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IP: AACE C7B5
i thought this was too hot kid somethin that you use at the crib shit was nice
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Guest
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IP: 6C2C 9079
this seemed real down to earth, you really captured the experience of 2 lovers and their passion for each other. keep up the good work
(sorry i cant help u out any on this one, this just isnt my styel of poems, peace) |
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Tampons are expensive
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IP: EF0A E7B2
alright...this piece is very interesting...
Imagery was most likely to stood out on this one...the flow is aight..not that great but it was smooth...vocabs are good...some words are a bit off but i think i got the reason whyd u use them... just one thing...if ur gonna write this kinds of poems...dont u think it would be better if u put more like metaphors or like deep words that would express more of what u want the readers to understand ya kno... well thats just my constructive critism...hehe i liked it tho....hope to see more!
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<br><br><center>- Shiznit - - Tampons are still expensive - - That's a Fact - </center> Last edited by shiznit : 06-24-03 at 03:25 PM. |
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Flyweight
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IP: F262 6C8F
ok ya'll can reply to this c'mon
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shut the fuck up even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun dead in middle of little of little italy little did we know that we riddle some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun |
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