I battled this dude, MoRbId, yesterday and I lost. I don't know why. Can someone tell me what's wrong with my verse? Here...

MoRbId, you sound like a poor kid
I should send your fuckin ass back to abortion
before I rip you up into tiny little portions
and grill you up so your momma could eat you up like horse shit
My rhymes are so raw once I spit them in your mouth it'll taste like medicine
giving your skin a 2nd degree burn to disintegrate your skeleton
like a Salmonella virus leering at your organs and meltin[infectin] 'em
just like how I fucked up each of your relatives
You look scared as fuck as if I threatened you like I'd beat your ass down in Maine
You can't relate to my shit, and have no one to blame
cuz when I win this battle you'll be doing the "Walk of Shame"
Fuck it, I already know your gonna choke before you say what you say
So spit motherfucker, so I could be the victor of this game

and this is his verse.

Just some advice MC-Viet join a label. ‘Cas you’ll just get fired,//
You suck like your retired, wait…fuck retired,//
Your fuckin’ retarded! Just because you started.//
And know wut? Your shit stinks! At first I thought someone farted.//
Me battlin you has no point, like a broken pencil.//
Battlin fags like you who spit weak shit is so un-suspenseful.//
And you’re only a stupid kid,//
Trying to get high of the dope that I already did.//
U know it’s me that you can’t beat,//
The only way u could win against me is if you cheat.//
And u better go give a vote for yourself hun,//
‘Cas that’s the ONLY way u could possibly get one!//
Now, all I have left say is, “I want you to fuck me bitch!” //
Yeah, just so I can give u AIDS, herpes, and make ur dick itch…//

This thread belongs in Whackness Emergency Center...............

Did my shit sound too basic or is it because I spit first? Well anywayz, uppin for some feedback...

O-M-G.................... This forum is for Open Mics only...........................This thread belongs in WHACKNESS EMERGENCY CENTER!!!!

lol.. you tell him bash... and that was wack,,, I'll help you out a bit... instead of just rhyming words randomly that sound cool together try and formulate a plot to it...

MoRbId, you sound like a poor kid << - you could play off this line
I should send your fuckin ass back to abortion<<- But didn't
before I rip you up into tiny little portions
[b]^how could you rip him into portions after he's already been aborted...
and grill you up so your momma could eat you up like horse shit
^his mom eats horse shit?
My rhymes are so raw once I spit them in your mouth it'll taste like medicinemedicine isn't raw, it's lots of chemicals together that form one super chemical;.. ....

if you can't see a problem with those lines you need serious help.. they barely even flowed.. not try'n to put a downer on your day, but work on it... here's what I would've done..

MoRbId, you sound like a poor kid
killin' this baby like a pre-natal abortion
cut up tha fetus in-ta tiny little portions
grill it an' feed-it to ya momma before sex...
My rhymes so raw I spit them I spit-m like medicen....

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