Wat up...im ShorteRoc....Im new here...Figure i'd drop something...See how you feel....


The chair squeeks the deadly song as he rocks in the vintage chair//

Sent from another place...But needless to say evil has found its way here//

Soft melodies he hums...Sounds like something he's not//

Like most people in this world...This man is missing a heart//

Pupils are black...He is blind to all that he creates//

Sitting in a chair the sound of joy and happiness is was he awaits//

No life in its eyes...His strenth is something we lack//

A knife in his hand.. strikes the air....10 kids across the country get struck in the back//

Lets out deadly gases through his dark echoed laughter//

The air passes through countries and finds its way to a sick widows daughter//

A weeks later a open casket is held and to our suprise guess who we see//

The same evil in the chair but now the evils in me//

Power hungrey... i look deep but feel nothing for this girl//

I sold my thought to the devil and in exchange i got the world//

Take my thought back...Its too bad that i couldnt//

On second thought pay backs a bitch...Give it back...HA!..Hell Nah I Wouldnt//

WOW........^^Impressive for 1st drop man SICK


PEEP MINE SIN OR A MAN

and My Open MIC

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=63738

Called RAP OR REAP

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pretty good for a new-b.

good first piece...like the ending...nice imagery...when your describing him sitting in the chair it sounded like the guy in "The Storm Of The Century"...lol...good drop...
Peace

Thanks Ruthless Insanse and Recca......Your right Recca.....My first couple lines kinda reflected that movie....So i switched it up a lil..Anway thanks for the reply..
One
ShorteRoc

kinda reminded of "the ring" at first....nice...but i knew you'd be good...from after talking to you last night....i like the images it put in my head...very creative..God bless..1

Stop saying good for a first piece!! It's excellent for a first piece. Thogh i don't this is the first time he's written a poem...so t aint his first piece....(!)....

but yeah, this was very good. It flowed effortlessly. Bringing with it in depth imagery which played the chords in my mind well..

...i felt you could've ended it better. It seemed out of place, like it didn't do the rest of the piece justice (the last line). Just think you could've executed it better.

...resp...

Understand Varentao...thanks for your ideas....Respect your thoughts on it all...

this is a good poem period...for any poet...new or not...