Why did I have to do it..Why did I choose what i chose/
Trying to help that lady..So I needlessly stuck my nose/
Into there business..To see what was the matter/
But all I got was from the man.."Don't worry I have her"/
Then a week later..That same girl she was seen/
With a bruise on her face..Long sleeves with long jeans/
Thought I'd see how she was..She didn't want the company/
So I just kept on walking..What was that bruise from though..The reason was stumping me/
The next night on the news I saw a familiar face had been murdered/
Then the picture of that man..The bruise was because he had hurt her/
But this time he took it to far..And beat her to death/
Ironic thing is.."I love you" was spoken with her last breath/
I didn't know this now though so I decided to give the information/
Since he was on the run they took it down with no hesitation/
The next morning at the door I heard a knock unfamiliar/
Then looked through the peep-hole..It was that man who had killed her/
Not knowing what to do I opened the door with no haste/
He said please can I use your house for a hiding place/
Then he must of remembered my face from a week ago/
He then burst in and said "Did you tell the police what you know?"/
I said no..I didn't know what he was saying/
He said you called them didn't you..And then the phone rang/
He picked it up and said "Yes?"..They answerd with hes not been found/
He turnt around with one hit..And I was knocked to the ground/
He said "I told you I had her its to bad you didn't listen"/
Then he pulled out the gun..Not one bullet went missin/
Took three shots then I became his second victim/
Why did i have to ask if anything was wrong with them/
Now im gone too..He was caught eventually/
The thing is..I didnt help her..And no one helped me/

thats deep shit i dont know if u replied to two poems but i dont much care cause that was dopetry i really was feelni the lifelike images it flowed easily too, many props, 1luv.

Thanks..A few more comments/complaints/rants/anything would be nice

Shiznit's Thoughts:

VOCABULARY

>not very much in it....just a couple of deep exciting...and meaning full words thrown out...the terms used are very typical meaning its just ordinary. but sometimes ordinary can become extraordinary...if u couldve put in more vocabs it would be really awesome.
>add some more metas and descriptive words..then ur all good.

FLOW

>in depth...its like its made for those words to fit in ya know...except for one line...but its just a small thing and it doesnt really affect much of it....nice job!

CONTENT

>im awed by the fact that the whole theme of the poem is definitly emotional and very realistic. THe imagery was WHOA! ya know...the very meaning of the whole piece made this piece really stood out with out using wordplays creativelely...

OVER ALL

>nice read....just one thing...if u want more feedbacks...you might want to feedback on some other pieces so they would really know that u really peep their stuff too and that ur eager to share what u have and at the same time acknowledge something that they have...but the poem was really good.

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>