had a bad experience and needed some of my emotions to drip off my chest, one of my simpler pieces i neededto let emotions shine...


I'm in a hall of pain and loss supposed to have a ball, but the rain so soft~
penetrates my mental cause in this twisted game i'm caught~
standin in this summer sorm i hold my hands out like a scale~
weighin my girl against my nigga, which one will make me less frail~
my close friend, thought it was dogs before bitches i told you to be slowin the weed~
I loved her nigga but in her instead of me is growin your seed~
you cried for me baby boy, begged for mercy sayin haze blinded ya mind~
bow to god i cant look at you flash the plastic sorry but nows your time~
but shorty you guilty too i thought our love flowed thicker than ink~
New York minutes are too slow i'd end all this shit in a blink~
I sit and i think u gave me love i needed it forever but that plans tossed~
now i'd rather u spendin the same span with your hands crossed~
i drop both of my arms now the scales gone my palms i lash them~
i die in my sleep unable to shake the visions of their momentary passion~
hell is treadin on my dome i realized my thoughts smashed the real~
my boy and my girl before me losin their souls and goin cold steel~
the rain drops catch on their eyes now they resemblin tears~
holdin this piece i consider expiring too but i'm rememberin fear~
nigga i throw you a phony pound baby i kiss your luscious lips with hesitation~
i take a look at your swollen stomach apologize then taste my last respiration~
sinkin to meet my fate what has just happened my father? i asked~
and as he points me to the gates of hell he tells me like the rain, this too should have passed~
1luv.

dang....wow....this was just WOW!!!...man..i feel for ya..could feel it through this piece..nice..check mine out if you can..God bless..1.

thank you mama im really really grateful for your feedback, 1luv.

you got your point across which seemed easy for you
which i liked, expressed ur feelings for it. i liked it.......
i got lost once but that was my own fault...................
.................................................. ..................................

really nice, definately enjoyed it a lot....

"my boy and my girl before me losin their souls and goin cold steel~
the rain drops catch on their eyes now they resemblin tears~
holdin this piece i consider expiring too but i'm rememberin fear~
nigga i throw you a phony pound baby i kiss your luscious lips with hesitation~
i take a look at your swollen stomach apologize then taste my last respiration~"

that was probably my favorite lines....u got that feeling across so clear it was almost scary, lol....i've had a similiar thing happen to me before to...and at first u think u have to pick between the two, then u think both should go....difficult situation....i wish you luck...
LP

damn man i feel it too........i know the exact shit ya gowin through for real........i like the whole thing it was hella nice....i liek to listen to somethin like that every once in a while....mad respect for ya cat....nice.....~one~

many thanks to yall i really appreciate it, means alot to me, good lookin out, could a nigga get anymore feedback??? thanks to all who already commented, 1luv.

maybe just one more elevation comon ya'll this shit means alot to me, 1luv.

That was raw as hell (er, no pun??) nfamous. Yes still in a fairly cryptic way. I can see that's most definetly your prefered style of writing.


Anyway, you really came out with a whole barrage of emotions. Pain and anguish fluctuating(sp) from softer to more harder times. Enabling the situation to be seen more vivid by the reader.

A kind of venting piece. Getting it onto paper as you said. So no criticism from me.

Oh, but may i just say. You controlled your raw emotions quite well in this piece. You showed desperate 'chaos' in quite a well executed way. Especially the ending.

...resp...

i was deff feeling this heell of nice drop i like see somethin like this ever now n then u got ur point acrros right away n showed ur emotion but u controlled it well nice drop keep spittin