okay this shit still aint done tell us what u think :

Death Do us Party

Women are leeches that stick to u suck u make u happy,
wen the realastionship goes down they just dont see,
the pain they cause, rippin out our hearts,
but really now lets be real their all fuckin tarts,
Now to i give u what im feeling for a certain women right now,
Bitch u just dont see, how u hurt me, every time we had a row,
dont u get it I hate u, if i had my way slit ur throat,
end ur dreams, burn my ties & sink ur familys boat,
let them swim in the tears they weap,
See now u made love on me only skin deep,
im no longer the guy that was cool & all 2 clear,
im now a guy who in a bad mood you need to fear,
confront me in that mood, 2 minutes & ur body outta here,
i aint playing no more games mother fucker,
try to treat me like a bitch & ill kill u like a sucker,
the last rhyme i put out feelings is now evaporated,
im glad on that track i never let u be my collaberated.

fuck u dont u get it my mind rages,
could have been togeather ages,
but no u made the choice to abort,
carry on n ill make ur life short,

the thing is im frustrated this is spur of the moment shit,
but even when my anger warn off ill still think u a 2 bit hit,
u ask me to tell you if anything goes wrong i say fuck that,
if i die its your fault you brought me to this, clap clap of the GAT,
Im dont even know y im doing this cuz u jump dick 2 dick,
loving it, suckin it, fuckin it, if you yapping once more head to brick,
if i see u & him the street my actions will not be counted for,
ill kill him & string u up, my minds that of a killer, fuck the law,
you wont win this one I esure you, like an insurance company,
wen ur realationship sinks dont think u can come jump on me,
10 months of love ended by just chuck it down the drain,
feels like u just chucked my body 2 an on coming train,

it took a minute to get into itbut once i did i was enjoying it keep it up twin work on it a bit and improve

Thanks dude,

upping

Rhyming/Flow
It Took Me 4 or 5 Lines To Get INto THis But I'm Glad I Did. Apart From The First Few Lines, It Flowed Pretty Consistantly Throught, Especially The 2nd Verse, Which Was Superior To The First. You had Good Interbar Rhyming Too...7/10

Vocab/Wordplay
I Thought This Was Lacking. I Don't Really Feel Pieces That Use Addv. Words Like "U", "2" etc....The Wordplay Was Good THough: "end ur dreams, burn my ties & sink ur familys boat,
let them swim in the tears they weap"....6/10

Concept/Topic
Never Strayed Away, You Kept The Feelings n' Emotion Throught The Song, ..8/10

Overall
Can't Wait Too See This When It's Done - Maybe Made INto An Audio? Anyway, As I said Up Your Vocab And It Should Be Tight - 7/10

Word!

it was nice thun you could have came with it more but in all i'm feelin it hit me up if u wanna collab sometime i'm sick with da flows holla

thanks peeps upping for some more, dude i might hit u up abit later

upping

Flow
Flowin pretty good in all parts if you ask me....
Content
Content was always on topic which is good...
Vocab
Vocab was pretty damn goos, some peeps have absolutely none but you did good....

thanks dude,

Upping fo some more