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07-30-03, 04:48 AM | #1 | |||||||
Light Weight
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Only Death Makes Us Think
IP: 6FA7 7304
More people dieing in the war
All these casualites, the government will ignore Young faces, new ideas, bright outlook A single shot, their life is took Don't know why their in this fight Killin people unknown at first sight Shipped away from their loved ones Exchanged for grenades and guns To serve the country, wage war against anothers Gaining great pride, the respect of others Gettin the job done, the war is easily won No one, can defeat, they might as well run Victory is to come within the hour Your All mighty, full of power Unstoppable, Unbeatable So powerful, un-fuckin-believable More people dieing in the war All these casualites, the government will ignore Young faces, new ideas, bright outlook A single shot, their life is took Don't know why their in this fight Killin people unknown at first sight May not be seen alive again The world they enter, not pretend Real guns blazing, men dieing Back in the country, lying in a coffin, loved ones crying You hit the target, easily done with all the training Told to take everything the body is containing Get to the body, still alive, blood draining Clinging to life, hardly able to breath Lookin into his eyes, a vision you recieve Him playin with his kids, kissin his wife Feel a hate for this strife*, want to save this mans life Tellin him you made an error You can tell he startin to slip from his glare All you can say is, my brother take care More people dieing in the war All these casualites, the government will ignore Young faces, new ideas, bright outlook A single shot, their life is took Don't know why their in this fight Killin people unknown at first sight Different personalities, All different nationalities All functioning the same, no need for fatalities *strife: Violent struggle Last edited by Whyte Ave. : 07-30-03 at 04:52 AM. |
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07-30-03, 05:00 AM | #2 | |||||||
BANNED: Cheater
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IP: C1F1 0C20
that shit was ILL dogg
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07-30-03, 08:36 PM | #3 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 6FA7 7304
uppin lets get some feedback on this piece yo...
drrrroppppp a link and I'll hit ur shit up |
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07-30-03, 09:36 PM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: B47A 7630
Nice Drop......Short But To The Point
Vocab- Good Use, Could Have Elevated A Little 8/10 Flow- Nice Flow....9/10 Wordplay- Not To Much Wordplay In Here, But Not Really Needed 7/10 Creativity- It Was A Really Good Topic....Nice Title...Eye Catching, To Me At Least... 9/10 Overall- Good Drop....Could Elevate On Vocab...But It Still Was Ill....Looking Forward To More Of Your Drops... 7/10 |
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07-30-03, 09:36 PM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: B47A 7630
Sorry.....
I mean To say for overall.....8/10.....lol |
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07-31-03, 06:12 AM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: C3EE DC4F
nice concept... even though tha flow wasn't real tight your topic and ideas made up for it alot...
I'd work on tha hook though... make it just a tad bit more catchy... keep writing... peace... |
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