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a silent scream
IP: 9B33 081B
silently i suffer and rest
jest not lest you feel the need to meet the best slowly slaughtered by pests infest the nest in hopes to slay the demon then digest but i digress for the evil in men is set not unto the world by demons but by men who fear what they see and hate what they do not know i weep for those these tears need not spill for the death of the many nor of the few but fall in chaotic motion as often and as subtle as early morning dew chosen not by fate but by those who wish to take this mind away to rape my lyrical innocence is at stake underrated overstated afflicted affliction of my addiction pride conflicted with simple fiction tenderly ticking away this tension i pause to mention that ever since the prophecies were written no one cares to even listen Last edited by prophiit : 08-09-03 at 09:37 AM. |
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BANNED For Freeposting
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IP: FB8A C72F
Jebus.
Last edited by varentao : 08-10-03 at 09:56 AM. |
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IP: D0FC F399
Either you're talking about Nostradamus or the Mary prophecies.
Or you're own ones. i.e. you're work as a writer/emcee. Imagery held well. It wasn't there in abundance, but more so in the background. Nice use of vocabulary. And some very well constructed lines. Like the morning dew one. I liked. To me it depicted the anguish of a struggling artist. Who is trying to get his word across. But it falls on deaf ears. He/she then resorts to a 'desperate scream, yet of course, that also falls upon deaf ears. Therefore, it becomes a silent scream. This is your silent scream. ..resp.. |
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IP: 13D3 FF04
this was ill,it could of been a little bit longer but still ill,it rhymed together well,and tha plot was amazin,amd props kid.~1~
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New to RB
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IP: D145 BA95
Yo...this was tight!!
the picture came across and the word usage was nice...gotta go with mamansandem bout it being longer...but take that as a compliment.... YOU GOTEM WANT'N MORE HOMIE!! Keep doing whatchudo.. Out
__________________
Rev 12:11 - Use your voice... ![]() ![]() |
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IP: E114 9EF7
Wasup? Is this my boi from Uf...? (The Misses here)
Anyways, to the poem: Wonderful vocabulary, the rhyming kept this peice flowing beautifully and shows of a very talented writter. I was amazed at what Var got outta this, he's soo deep ::dreamy eyes:: jk. If that was is then wow, you get some dreamy eyes too! But back to seriousness: I felt like the alliteration did a lot for this peice, even if it wasn't deliberate, which I doubt because you seem to be very skilled. My favorite line in this peice was "for the evil in men is set not unto the world by demons but by men" This was a thinking peice and I loved every word... I'll make it a point to start checkin out ya peices more often, because you are truely gifted bud... peace |
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Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: 4577 CD9A
underrated overstated afflicted affliction of my addiction
pride conflicted with simple fiction tenderly ticking away this tension....i pause to mention ~great vocab and elements of a spoken wordish piece...~ ~the pause as your reading it makes you feel like your~ ~there listening..which makes you stand out like a comedian~ ~recieing his first laugh..catching the crowd..well done~ ~Content~ |
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IP: 9B33 081B
Thanks to anyone who gave feedback and i'll try to respond to all the new stuff. This is greatly appreciated by me and so much better than open mic i am grateful for so much support. 1
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IP: 8C6D 81D4
I actually like this piece but it does sound like something Nostradamus said but I am 100% plus this is all Prophiit original work... Anyways your Multi's were really good But I think you could improve a little on the flow but not too much cause then I think it would be a freestyle and not poem...
ANyways remmeber there is nothing written for poetry it can be written or spoken in any shape or form... GOod Job man great piece |
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