^^^^sorry for the post above, filled with faults.
Forgot to check.
Anywayz, here it is again... sry




Dreadfull tears rolling from my eyes
still can't believe I went for your pretty lies.
I did not only gave you my heart, but gave you my soul
Never thought there would be anyone who could make me more whole.
Laying on the bed as you passionately talk about your dreams
Floating away on love's clouds, or so it seemed.
Becuz that same day you managed to break my heart
Never thought my love for you would eventually tear us apart.
'You loved me more than I loved you' was what you had to say
A broken heart mixed with heartfel tears was the price I had to pay
And even though, after 7 months, my love for you still goes beyond
I know we weren't meant to be, simply cuz your shoulder wasn't one I could lean on.

As I think back, my eyes start to tear
Can't believe that love once lived here

Now I leave it all behind and finally find the guts to say goodbye
Hard to realize that 'I love you' was eventually nothing but a lie.



-- I know this is pretty basic, but I needed to get this off my chest --
Comments are much appreciated though.

aight, I really fucked it up this time, posting a new thread
sorry once again

I am funny. No really, i am...me ma' said so...*tumbleweed...*...

Shiznit's Thoughts:

The whole idea of this piece is quite simple. The emotions youve kept inside responded and reflected over to what u have written.

Quite a short piece but once in awhile venting can be good. Well a good idea for this is rewrite. Take all of what u have and add a couple of interesting facts that would make it all even and you'll see how it would be better..not that this is not good. Its just that it would be better if youve artistically execute it.

nicely done.

Check out Rhetorical Insights. Explore one picture and write something about it. Quite simple. Drop some in there. Thanks

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

You kept it quite simple and true. Not really digging all that much, because the holes were already dug. And it's up to us to find them/know where they are, or not...(as the case may be).

And so it was that truth, that simplicity, that brought this piece 'home'. That made it a nice read. It had an essence to it, which especially came to light (er..) at the end...

..resp...

PS

You do realise there's an edit button which enables you to edit your posts. Rather than making new threads, and re-posting n what not else.

It's below all that information on the left hand side. Below the avater thingy.

Just thought i'd make sure. No patronising intended.

all dat shit wuz hard az fuck..........good shit

^don't people get banned for crap like that?

I thought the peice was simple but it was mainly emotional. And like you said you needed to get it out, which is understandable. This was really personal I thought... some times that can make it hard for the reader to understand completely, but I think you did a pretty good job not loosing me... It's probably something people would appreciate more on a meaningful level verses a poetic one. But the emotion is there in it... I like it, like you said it could have been writtin a little bit better, but overall it wasn't bad. Keep elevatin, Peace

^Only if it's constant. First time i seen him do it.