I think the most powerful part of this piece was the ending. It was hard for me to focus on the whole piece cuz it seemed like babbling..no offense. You have a very different style of writing from what I've seen. Keep it up.

well, i personally enjoyed this peice through out the whole thing... it was awesome and had tru emotions.. the flow was amazin... and i understand where ur comin from... ur not alone even if its hard to think that u arent... i feel the same way... but ne way, back to the piece... truly beautiful, and the imagry was awesome too... fave lines:

I took that sharp pile of metal
and burned it with my pain
and 'though I cried a lake of tears
nothing could stop the flame.
It pooled and condensed, became something else.
The dark nights of isolation,
the hell of every day
all made a pool of metal, formless and gray.
What happened to me?
Do I hate myself so much?
I see from today what would happen, and I
want to change it all.

i dunno what i love about those lines...maybe its that i can relate to them... but ne way, keep it flowin, awesome work

Hazyyy!
Gyrl, I cant even tell you how much talent I've seen in you cuz i would sound like i was just blabbin out the mouth to hear myself talk..Your pieces all just have somethin the others dont..always goin deep, with mixtures of hard experiences and true innocense all in one flow..

>That all those bits of metal, had hardened into steel.
That it covered up my heart and made me unable to feel.

That line just explained everything you were gettin at in the beginning of the verse..

>I'm locked outside the metal ball,
I don't think I'll ever get inside
But then again, with my horrible memories,
It's no wonder I never tried.

That was the perfect way to end it..jus perfect..
Really really nice piece here, Hazy baby..
Youre ALWAYS a good read n i got nothin but luv n props for ya ma..
stay up n keep blessin us.
peace.

It was like a gradual build up to an epic finale...and it did not dissapoint....as i was reading it...i was feeling it more and more with every line....really hit hard and deep in the end...really felt it very much so....very powerful...a real powerful home truth or two written...

.... - realisation of the ghosts/demons within must come first...the process of exorcism begins...must fight with strength yet also intelligence....keep on digging till you find the light....both within and without....and soon the ghosts/demons will be gone - or buried deep within the heart n soul....and the steel will melt and begin to deteriorate...once again allowing for feelings to run free.... - ....but of course...it can be different accoriding to who you are...people have different ways of doing things....*hopes he didnt sound patronising*....

...respect...