Alright Im in a really fuckin goofy ass mood. So I hope you all laugh your ass off from this shit.

I walked into a 7-11 after getting rejected from heaven,
I was fiesty, so I threw Akmed into a pyramid of icees,
Jesus Christ walked in, licked up the mess, he got a brain freeze.
He turned to me, planted a tree, and started to speak.
Mantis there has been a heinous mistake, god said give you this
Then he whiped out a garden rake, and perforated my face.
I got pissed off and started to shake, quake, and my pulse started to race.
I opened my briefcase and pulled out a shoelace and a can of mace
Alright Jesus you wanna fuck with this maniac,
there is a reason I was rejected from paridise and cant go back.
Let me list of the reasons fo that punk azz.
Let me see, I smoke crack, I like to whack off on top of a smoke stacks, I lacks common sense so put in your contacts and go back
to the pearly gates, tell st peter I know how many times I masturbate.
Tell the Virgin mary thanks a million for lettin me bust her cherry.
Blasphemy seems to be flowin through me like pee when I drank one to many MGD's
Well Im probably goin to hell for writin this shit, so I might as well leap straight into the pit.


If anyone is offended by this, FUCK YOU.

... umm yea
i guess some people will find this funny, i dont. Lyrically its good. The atempts are getting an internal rhymes scheme were noted, while not done well. While doing something original in this day and age are damn near impossible the little statment at the end

If anyone is offended...

sealed this as STRAIGHT EM COPY

if thats not what you were going for then i dont know what to tell you 4/10

take that how you want

Well yeah, i really didnt have a REAL purpose for writing this one, I just whipped it up in about 3 or 4 minutes. Yeah I did take that line from shady, but I really couldnt put it any better than that. I mean how many ways could I really say it. But hey dog I aint mad man, criticism is always welcome, good or bad. I just started spittin a little while ago so hey anyway I can get better Is alright with me. Peace.

Um....iunno what to say

I no this was a freestyle so i won't crit it...but just say that your verse didn't have good voab

flow was aiight but lacked interesting lines

o
N
e

Though some half-interesting ideas. I felt overall it came across relatively plain.

It fell akward once too often. And seemed to be written quite within yourself. Which is understandable as you said it took you 3-4 mins. It was a keystyle. And your mood was 'funky'.

...resp...

i agree with varentao with the 'funky' peice, i cud imagine this being spit over a more heavy typed beat. overall it was good for a freestyle cus lets face it, bussin a gud freestyle is hard. no real topic apart from tryna offend sum people lol, you mite end up gettin banned haha, keep elavating