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08-27-03, 12:55 PM | #1 | |||||||
Just call me your Savior
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I watch
IP: 5013 C96D
if one man choose death, one man choose life
i watch if one man apoligize while one man hits his wife i watch if one man loses and one man wins i watch if one man repents and one man sins i watch and when each man finds himself within his soul beside himself soon to find he hides himself i watch ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i won a contest with this poem see wat ya'll think... |
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08-27-03, 04:30 PM | #2 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: B5AC D2E1
nice peice. ina way its paints a picture gets u thinkin how people find dem selfs n wot dey find in dem selfs. i dont realli kno wot to say, u'v got me thinkin. well done keep it up
peace ~roX~
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im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas |
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08-27-03, 04:32 PM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: C1DA C961
i watch to.............whatelse am i suppos'd to do.........lol.........dis i a short AND iight piece......................1ne
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08-27-03, 04:40 PM | #4 | |||||||
Str8 From CopKilla Queens
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IP: 8FB2 AA67
Ehh congrats on winning or watever but this piece was rather short and not too deep, i wasnt really feelnig it it stated the facts but i didnt like it too much but dont change a think, one mans trash....stay up and keep droppin u show potential, 1luv.
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08-27-03, 05:34 PM | #5 | |||||||
Tampons are expensive
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IP: EF0A E7B2
Shiznit's Thoughts:
I pictured something quite amazing on this one. Its like Judgement Day, meaning, its like your in between looking through the eyes of God. The good people on your right and sinners on your left. Maybe Judgment Day is far too much so i would rather say just how God sees the world. How pain destroys lives of mankind and how happiness restores its bond. How he sees as unbalanced universe and how its struggling to find its cause of perfection. ^^thats my perspectives on it. Very creative. Youve compiled less than 1000 characters and formed it into a very inspirational one. Its worth reading the piece. Rhetorical Insights Week VII is up. Not gonna hurt to drop one in there. Thanks
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<br><br><center>- Shiznit - - Tampons are still expensive - - That's a Fact - </center> |
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08-27-03, 08:15 PM | #6 | |||||||
"Cuz bruk said so"
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IP: F005 00C3
^ I agree
I can see the definitive eye's of a 'creator' gazing upon his creation(s). Even the monodrone tone, reflects the redundant sights in which the 'creator' has long been witness to. An almost desensitizing view of the trade off between good and evil, or moral and unmoral, ethical and unethical... I would like to know what the topic of the contest was.. Nice simple form, but it just goes to show you, even the most simplistic structure can house great meaning and symbolence.. Keep them comming..
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FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!! |
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08-27-03, 10:15 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 73D8 AACD
I didn't really see the scenes the others did,
In my eyes while reading this I saw a man tortured by tourment, almost like he is unable to make decisions for himself, so he sits - almost on the edge of society - and watches life go by him. Like the phrase "on the outside looking in" Where you can watch everything, good and bad happen before you. I enjoyed this one.. |
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08-27-03, 10:43 PM | #8 | |||||||
Just call me your Savior
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IP: BB8C D4B2
tha contest was wat we think of one self's through anotha's eyes, although i did not choose god as tha one who watched it was a man that chose himself as tha prophit or tha man who will change tha world because he's already figured out tha meaning of life although god does sorta fit into that...
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<marquee>?</marquee> |
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08-28-03, 12:53 AM | #9 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 9B33 081B
I didn't read any responses so i don't know if this has been said yet so here goes..............
I looked at this as a message from god. Meaning there is a higher power up there watching everything we do both good and bad. THere is deep thought in this poem and some really good flow. I like the repeating line "I watch" it gave me an eerie feeling for a minute like someone was actually looking at me!!!!! Even though it was extremely short I really liked this poem. Gave me a sense of relief in a way like 'yeah someone is watching over me'. In short I think this piece had great message and other than the length I wouldn't change a thing..........thanks for the experience. 1 |
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08-28-03, 02:05 AM | #10 | |||||||
Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: 4577 CD9A
what contest did you win..and where at?
how old are you? what did you win? ~ive only won T-shirts in high school~ this does definately make you think about a lot of things but also leaves much more to be desired as well.... was there more to your last section that made your poem stand out from everyone elses? I almost overslept for work this morning but it was raining hard and this loud thunder came out of nowhere and woke me up quickly.. which never happens...in a way I believe god was helping me there... this was okay..kinda suprised tat this was a winner though...your real version had to be at least twice as long.. maybe not thogh....if anything congrats for taking the contest but this leaves a lot to be disired on the topic of the matter.. peace Last edited by Content : 08-28-03 at 02:15 AM. |
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08-28-03, 02:38 AM | #11 | |||||||
~OrIgINaL eXeCuToNeR~
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IP: C46E E028
i like the whole
'i watch' thing but the rest to me is simple and elementary...there could be more depth to the meaning of your poem duke
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freelance RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S |
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08-29-03, 08:17 PM | #12 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 5F0A 0E4C
Lightly atmospheric. But if one digs into it. They get heavier atmosphere.
It was short. But compressed in a manner which was kind of loose yet everything there to make it a solid and strong piece. Using as few words as possible to bring forth a meaning is something hard to do. For a quick read, which makes one think a bit, this is a very good piece. The meaning i got out of it? A man looking at the world, and with everything he sees (dies, lives-apologises-hits...etc. etc.), he moves one step closer to enlightenement. And then he gets there with that fairly profound three line stanza. I guess the ending was that now he/she just carries on watching and waits. For now he/she knows what he/she's looking for. Hmmm...that brings with it more than one effect. Cos an outsider would think he's doing nothing but waht he was doing before.. ..Anyway, i enjoyed this. I enjoy pieces of this nature. Of this 'kind'. EDIT: But saying that, i must also give some critique. Some of the things you 'saw' could've maybe been a bit more striking and profound. Only a bit, as too much would've lost the effect of the piece.... ...resp... Last edited by varentao : 08-29-03 at 08:20 PM. |
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08-30-03, 03:20 AM | #13 | |||||||
BANNED
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IP: 5231 27A4
Quote:
said it all... |
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