Wrote While On The Train As I Was Going On Holiday, I Didnt Have A Title Or Whatever, It was Just Out Of Boredom Really, But It Turned Out Pretty Nice. .



Gazing over a Strangers Shoulder tryna visualise the world
through her perspective, not expectin much of the little girl
But to My Surprise this Child was Wise Beyond Her Years
And As She Spoke. . . I'd Close Nearer Too Hear Her Clear.
She Appeared shy At First, but As Soon as the Train Left,
We got Indepth, And This Is How the Conversation Went. .

Did I Catch Your Name?

I Didnt Throw It. Just Joking!. . . . Most Call Me Melody
cuz u must of heard a Melody u cant get out ur Memory
My sisters called Success, plus she looks like a princess
She's beautiful. Thats why most boys Dream of Success.

How Old Are You?

Age Is Not A Number, Your only as old as you feel
Thats why i Sleep as a Teen & Awake Over the Hill.
Im ever-existing. When existance ends, i'll go with it
im Timeless w/ no Digital Match to Match my Digits. .

Are You In A Relationship?

Well. . Red's the colour of love, and so's my Dress
So when im wearing that, i guess im 'In Love', Yes.
but then if by 'relationship' u mean a Special Bond
ive never dated Sean Connery, so no, your wrong.

Do You Want Kids?

Do i want kids? Of Course! I Mean. . . Thats What Their For,
to cause u all the mayhem u did ur parents when u were born.
Its our Duty to the Lord . . .so he can Pay Us Back Our Dues
by using our kids to Re-Enact the Brats we Were as Youths!

What Stop You Getting Off At?

Who Said That I Was?. . . Im Travelling For The Day,
just me and the landscape, there and back to the same place.
Lying on Blades of Grass. . A Fielded Bed Of Knives
With the night sky a blanket from where i'll spend the Night.

What Do You Aspire To Be?

Lets see, id pick maybe a letter for me
Since an 'A' is All i can Aspire too 'B'
Possibly a Direction, so as to help out the old
Who lost 'direction' when wanderin life's road.

I Have To Go. .

Do You? Well Then, Thanks I Guess.
& remember the Melody u heard when u found Success.
Im less than half ur age, but i'll promise you this,
Regardless of Age, you've Still Got a Lot To Learn, Kid. .

Dope vocab

some stuff made you think.

you make me proud hoe.

Um...Well

This was really tite

Flow was kept tite...Concept was original...

Yup i really liked actually...Dope piece...luved the special bond

o
N
e

Okay, was going to reply to it tomorrow. But as i peeped it, couldn't help but reply.

It's late, so bare with me.

A good use of vocab. Not too over baring and over done. Instead, just fitted well with the whole essence of the piece.

Each stanza (er, verse), right from the start was well executed. Constructed in a way which though seemed meticulous and precise, still had the feel of looseness to it. Bringing a certain amount of realism (or should that be surrealism....). You know, bringing more texture to the imagery.

The meaning i am finding hard to comprehend. As i said before, it's late (well it aint, as i'm quite nocturnal, but i'm trying to get to sleep and i'm tired!).

Well the basic meaning is there. Someone who goes by common logic and wisdom. Rather than the more enlightened and inidividual one. This 'girl' brings him down to earth. The age thing an example of people judging.

Also salting it with light irony (or satire, dunno which one applies here, mind is ticking ever slower) with such lines like how you use success as the sister, and therefore boys dreaming of her/it.

Mixing the innocent and quite simple perspective with fairly profound wisdom was well executed.

Er, last thing. Imagery was used well. Esepcially with the 'what stop you getting off' verse. Though also cleverly used in the 'Are You in a relationship' one.

I still think the meaning is a bit hazy. With these kind you usually give it two layers. If anymore, you use one as a focal point, another as the main 'deep' point. And the other layers imbedded for the person reading/hearing to find with time (or a very keen ear/eye...or a personal meaning...etc etc..).

But my mind aint working to full speed at the moment. So might've missed out the obvious. Maybe you can enlighten me? What the girl represents? I'll probably read it agian tomorrow anyway. Hours after i've woken up.

Very nice read. Eases you right into it

...resp...

EDIT: This'll probably be enough for the freeposters/vote wanters to derive from. Though i wrote it so it'd be harder to do so...oh well..

that was nice. at first i was like this is gonna suck cuz its like a questionary thing but after iwas done readin it i liked it alot

Cheers Varentao!
But The Meaning Of The Piece. .

^Heh, you hoor! Seriously though, place a meaning and layer the others. Cos everything else is basically there (for you to elevate like one does). In my opinion, it'd be a relative waste other wise. But hey, it's your piece, not mine.

(Muh'fuhin bumba claat!)...

..resp...

EDIT (So not to clog the thread): Well many things start off as freestyles or things out of boredom. Then are expanded and elevated into something more substantial and what not. Anyway, i'm sure you know all this. Just my thoughts on this particular piece.

This Piece Was Like. . Written Freestyle On The Train, Has No Topic, Just Wrote Out Of Boredom With Like. . A Fifth Of Skill, Lol, I Didnt Expect Props On It, But After Reading It Back It Seemed Semi-Decent So I Posted It.

I'll Post My Other Bullshit I Wrote So You Can See. .

hoe.

^banned for one word replies.

white boy.

if that isnt the best insult of all time..i dont know what is. hoe.

Yo man, alot of this was pretty simple, yeah, it did seem like a freestyle, like you ain't putting too much skill into it... but... I dunnoh... I guess it's the concept, the whole imagery of this that kept me reading... and I thought it was pretty hot... I liked the way each little verse was constructed... keep doing your thing man

-1-

Spacker Boy!

In My Best Chandler-From-Friends Voice. .

^You Cant Even Pronounce Chandler..
British Hoe ... Yea Nice Peice.. For You It Sucks..
For Anyone Else It Would Be Dope..
We Should Hook Up (Collab, You Dirty Hoe)