+random ish


now let me tell you all of a story that happened to one certain child/
it was the one night that his thoughts jus decided to go and run wild//
it was a hard day he came back from school and was tired so he went upstares and flopped in bed/
never though of lookin under thebed cause he if he did who would've surely fled//
he slowly drifted off thinkin of his team and how he'd win when suddenly all hell broke loose/
terryfing thoughts came into him, like a bullit and suddenly it seemed like he could feel the tightness of the noose//
confused wat had happen he woke up sweat dripin down his face
but not concerend he jus went bac to sleep/
and we all mos grown men dont cry but in da mornin he was in in nothing but weep//
parents diddnt know wat was happenin so they woke him up/
but before they could they nottice tiny notches and bruises startin to form into tiny cuts//
in the mornin they sat down to talk bout it and he began to tell them of his dream/
he was alone in a feild feeling great and proud till all of a sudden it looked like the crowd had dissapered in a seem//

i liked it
first two lines got my attention
very interesting drop
anyway keep droppin this peice wsa tice
peace

Hhmm... rather melodramatic, don't you think?

I'm sorry. It's just over all it seemed rather senseless. But poetry is often like that in consideration that a poet writes whats happening with no regards to the why. Its just this one seemed to put a lot of emphasis on the what rather then why.

I guess this peice just goes over my head, is all.

~Islam~

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

thank you necromancer for actuall honest feed back i have much respect to u man uppin

i srta liked but i can tell you coulda added more to it.............it was an open poem that was waitin for ya to grab hold of it...........................nice tho

I liked it when you showed me...theres parts of
it where extra words could be added to make it
flow better..as well as some words taken out....
im not gonna turn into an english teacher here
but this wasnt bad...only wishes it was longer
for what it was really for....is this merely a sample?*

la paz