As I stand in the shadows, I seem to see, A blood filled sky.Nothing seemes to still this tearless cry. no fear no pain seemes im addicted agian, as i start anthour lane.




im no crackhead so don't hold that agiants me..im also kinda new here so some input or others work would be nice.....I'm a newb

not bad...............maybe you might want to expand on this though seems like a lot of pain and emotion went into this couple of lines.............but it was to short really to critique..........while length is not crucial in poetry your thought process and the way the words spoke gave me the impression there is more there then written..............i look foward to your next piece.............oh yeah and welcome................1

A short burst of reality. In a quite poetic form. The grit being underneath the almost smooth and flowing surface (i.e. how you described it).

Some might say expand it. And maybe they're are right. But it could just be one of those pieces. As said before, a short burst of one's reality. I enjoy reading those types. Don't expand on it, don't make it longer, if you don't want to. Do what you feel is right. If you felt this was how you wanted it, then so be it.

...resp...

agreed from both p.o.v.'s ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i'll also add that, as my poems are simpler, i've relized that expanding this type of poem, not in length, but in form, can quite easily make tha poem a lot stronger...jus keep droppin, hit ur head on a cloud, naomean?...

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One of the hardest papers I ever had to write at uni was on the social implications of Spinozas philosophies. What made it hard was having to do it in under 500 words instead of the usual 3000. That was a rude awakening for me, and made me realise that its much harder to fit the information needed into less space, than more.
But you did that. While this is short, it still packs a punch.. and what might have taken someone else another 20 lines to express, you did in just a few... while retaining the impact. I felt the hopelessness of this self acknowledged drug addiction..
Nice work.. Kudos~

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