Persecution

~Keys~
Martin and Malcolm, many others in the painful struggle,
Arguin and dyin for our rights and peace to remain humble,
First they bring us here from Africa and called us slaves,
And they wonder why when we got here we didn't behave,
How could you put me through so much pain white man?
The wrongdoing of your people, do you only know evil?
Firehoses, firearms, knives and fists,
Couldn't put us in misery if they didn' t exist,
I'm here to live and die, not fulfill a prison cry,
Why should i work today for no pay,catching whippings,
KKK becoming racial with a new beginning,
These next couple words are important, i'm not down,
But heavy is the head upon which lays the crown,
The beginnin and end, livin again,
Moses of our people, Harriet Tubman,
From my state along with Frederick D.,
Teachin the truth about history with Buttersworth G.

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*G. Buttersworth*

stuck in a world with grand wizards and neo-nazis
runnin the country from the underground
the so called children of light the mighty illumanati
slowly manipulating the system de-educating our children
with their false sense of history
Columbus freed the free world and traded jewerly
for meats and cabbages
and raped the free world's women
and called the free world's man sadistic savages
clothed and fed him with un-curable diseases
and tricked the free world's man with european sleaziness
now we try and build on a blood soaked land
millions gave they life to be free, but wasn't that america's plan
to be free. land of the free. but not a damn thing on this world is free
we face incarerations solid gold dreams being sold to me
with just rations of passion of a fascist
tryin to educate at least one opposed to the masses
clashes of classes... you need to open ya eyes..de-fog ya glasses
theres a hidden war... knowledge must be born
in the youths..
teach em the right thing.. and let them freely choose
whats real and whats ain't...
sorta like with these here rhymes we recite
we all need to elevate....

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<center>G. Buttersworth™</center>


G.I. JOE

Nice collab guys, stuck to the topic nicely - it was real original, and both brought up some good points, i liked Keys flow slightly more, the multi's and internals in his verse helped keep the flow to his verse, i liked this section:

^ Crown line was nicely worded, good flow, stuck with his opint and put it acroiss to the reader nicely. Overall not a bad collab, Props.

Reply to mine:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=73796

uppin for criticism

yo that was some powerful black power type shit on da real both of y'all came through with crazy verses and it was on a topic that every black man has to face in his life i'm loving that shit keep it poppin kna mean

nice colab, very deep shit, i like deep shit
now we try and build on a blood soaked land
millions gave they life to be free, but wasn't that america's plan
to be free. land of the free. but not a damn thing on this world is free
we face incarerations solid gold dreams being sold to me
^nice irony there, liked that line alot, overall it was great, nice vocab and wordplay, one downside was the flow but that was jus prolly how i was readin it

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Corrupted Visions

^thanks for the feedback... gro and cam and aghuny...


Artificial Intelligence is in here...


upped

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<center>G. Buttersworth™</center>


G.I. JOE

Well, lyrically this wasn't to bad..I sensed alot of emotion in some parts..Yet alot of self-opression in the others..Which i will go into further down my reply..

Keys seemed to come a bit..Ignorant is the honest word..In some parts..Due to the fact that..From one black kid to the other..I guess it's pending on where you live..But you're putting past situations into the future..It looks like something far back..I used to be the same way tho..Always bitching about what people did to me ..How white people have held us down..Then i stopped beintg dumb and realised this isn't the 60's anymore..I agree, cops will have a larger eye out for cops..All that shit..But i live in Georgia..I promise you that it's worse for a black kid in georgia than it is for a black kid in new york..And i get treated fairly well..Not really any difference..

So as far as the concept..It makes me feel sorry for you if you actually think that's how we are treated today..

"How could you put me through so much pain white man?"

That's the line that made me turn my stomach a little bit..I get more opression from fellow african americans than i do from white people..Just for the fact that most talk of racism is for what happened to OTHER BLACK PEOPLE..in the past..Which doesn't effect me or us physically..But emotionally..And honestly when i see a black kid bitching over this it makes him look weak..I remember how i was..Then my dad sat down and talked to me..

Basically told me that the people who actually went thru what you CLAIM to be going thru right now wouldn't have moaned and cried about the awful things as much as i am doing..When i'm only mad because of what they DID..not what they're doing..


It's a given that racism exist..But it's more even now..There are many white people that would like to see me die..Hate me..All that good shit..But it's equally distributed because there is black people who feel the same way..I myself hated white people until i was about 16..So it's really not "what the white man does"..It's what some people do..You must look from all veiw points.. There's nothing that any white man can or will ever be able to control me or anyone else..And for that you must realise that most the things in your verses are really ..Irrelevant for the times we live in now..


I know that you probably don't care ..But that's my opinion..

P.S. G. Buttersworth..In one thread you called me a stupid lil newbie for asking a question....Just wanted to let you know that your name calling proved to be ignorant..For the fact that without asking questions i will not gain the proper knowledge needed..But to avoid or resist the asking of questions would be to remain stupid..I'd appreciate it if you could hold your pre-school remarks next time i have the urge to set a thread in that forum..


All in all i have to say tho i didn't really enjoy this piece i'll remember it for a while..

Keep writing..

^ honest crit. thanks for the reply.


oh and the question you asked... we already had 34,579,483,759,835 threads on the same subject...

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<center>G. Buttersworth™</center>


G.I. JOE

Rhyming/Flow
Keys, You Flow Was Dope... One or Two Parts However Cracks Were Showing But It was Still Cool... Butters, I felt Your Flow Was Weak, Myabe It Was Just me, But It Was Choppy In Alot Of Places...5/10

Vocab/Wordplay
You Both used A Glittering Array Of Voacb To really Express The Real Emotion Through Here, Butters Especially, Lines Like : "stuck in a world with grand wizards and neo-nazis"
and raped the free world's women
and called the free world's man sadistic savages" - Were Not Just Powerful But held A Deep meaningful Expression Of Hatred, n' Superiority.

Keys, You had Some Mad LInes As Well, i.e:
"Martin and Malcolm, many others in the painful struggle,", Again bring The Historical Factor Into It, The Suffering The Felt etc..etc... 9/10

Concept/Topic
I Could Say The Topic Is Slightly PLayed Out, But You Both Put Your Own View Across Which Created It's Effective Originality. DEfiently Deep n' Emotional, Alot Of Mixed Feeling's, Anger, hatred, sadness etc...8/10

Overall
8/10 A Great Read, You Both Exzelled In Differant Aspects Of The pIece, Keys In Flow, BUtters In Meaning. Could'nt Pick between You, Only Thing I Can Say Bad About It is Butters Flow, Work On It dawg, But I got A more Poetic Sense Of Flow, Than Rappin' To A beat...


Word!

Yeah what they ^^^^^^^ all said!

^ thanks for the freepost.

and thanks for the feedback R. Ten. greatly appreciated.

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<center>G. Buttersworth™</center>


G.I. JOE

uppin one ast time... AI is in the buliding

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<center>G. Buttersworth™</center>


G.I. JOE

Keyz your verse was really ill...your flow was hot, stayed on toic and had some real deep lines, G.butts i thought your flow was slightly off...but it was till good but you had just as meanigful lines as keyz...Both stayed on tpic really well and was original(for wot i seen in the past)...Mad nice collab

oNe

Although I was not particularly feeling the content, it was very lyrically sound. The flow, structure, vocab and just about everything else was all on point. Minor tweakings here and there could have prevented akward wording, but on the whole, it was a very lyrically good piece.