Tell me, about the midnight purples you've encountered
The solumn moody blues you've undoubtedly mounted
About all the reculsive envious nights you've counted
And wished what he has was your's...

Tell me, you appreciate that sandfilled carpet against your back
Sounds of melodic conversations and the patheticly weak attack
One a 2 o'clock star gazing, and a good crisp night counteracts
What he has was your's...

Tell me, you know nothing of these tears, but of this pain
Some sign of maturity in what I've desperatly maintained
But I must admit I'm losing sight of whatever it is I'll gain
What he had is your's...

Because I still dance in the palm of your magnificent hand
You've removed the spell, but I'm still under your comand
Where ever it is you go, I hope you'll always understand
What he had will always be your's...


Well, it started out being deep and going some where with the colors but I think by the end, emotion took over. So, sorry if you read the first stanza and thought it was going to be something better than my others.... lol peace

hey yo,
i liked this, and yeh it was deep,
the flow was really good, and the rhymes were tight also
keep droppin

peace

You shouldn't apologize the way the poem changed fit in with your topic, the way i took it was the poem was building up to something swelling towards climax and then dying. for example it starts rather serenely.......................................... .........................

-Tell me, about the midnight purples you've encountered
-The solumn moody blues you've undoubtedly mounted

then it became a little emotional while maintaining its serenity.......

-Tell me, you appreciate that sandfilled carpet against your back
-Sounds of melodic conversations and the patheticly weak attack
-One a 2 o'clock star gazing, and a good crisp night counteracts

And finally ends with you in its grip mentally and emotionally........

-You've removed the spell, but I'm still under your comand
-Where ever it is you go, I hope you'll always understand

I also enjoyed the progression of the last line of each stanza and how they showed the nature of the relationship through time( this was a bout a failed relationship right?) Overall I think you underestimate this piece very good drop. 1

"sentiments exactly' maybe profitts my twin..or im his....

'the love that he had was yours'
'the love tha has will always be yours'
im unsure of the view...third person...as if
your writing this from a therapists position?!?!

your first stanza definately had me going like you
were 'in the zone' and the you switched it and kept
it nice as well..assorted flavors...strange fruit...always good

your second stanza flowed well and possibly digged deep
into yourself to remember 'whats really good' back then

your third verse was actually you speaking back at the
'therapist' on a defensive note explaining wha youve
been through and what your current status is...

your last stanza summed up what you put at the end
of each stanza for a signficant reason...which was done
a lot diferently than most..your in your own world girl so
dont change...hopefully you find what you're searching for

the imagery was good in the first and fourth stanzas
and your real emotion flowed in you second and third

well done

la paz

ayo ma thats da first thread i read of yours but the way that one was i'll read every single one of them back to back i'm really feelin it ma maybe me n u could collab on some poetry

Prophiit ya guess was a lil off but basically yea... long story, Con knows tha deal. Agh, we can def do a collab if you wanna, jus hit me up lemmie know tha deal. I think I'ma redo this peice, make it all sound like the first stanza, then I'll be all excited! whoo hoo, thank all of you for the imput,I really appreciate it, peace

This was a nice piece.
Fave line :

Because I still dance in the palm of your magnificent hand
You've removed the spell, but I'm still under your comand

You're right when you say that you the first 2 stanzas were different than the other two, but yet again it didn't really bother me. It was a piece that kept my interest throughout reading it, which makes it a nice read.
To the end your poem became more basic, so maybe you could elevate on that? No hard feelings intended.
Keep dropping baby girl, I'd love seeing something new from ya

peace

' you just did ' ?!?!

sorry I had to do it...if its not broke
Cali.....if its not broke...its fine...

good job, even tho u kinda dissed me on one of shorty's pics..i'll give it to u u did a good job

nice drop,keep spittin.~1~