"Ladies and Gentleman, Playas and Ho's, We's bout ta start our interview show"

Talk show type thing.
Geeky Smart Ass (GS) Letterman type behind the desk, only younger, about 25 or so.

GS: At this time I'd like to welcome to the show, literally, the biggest man in rap today who's debut album, "Outta the Ghetto" is expected to crush 50 Cent's record breaking debut...Weighing in at 422 lbs and towering over the competition at 6 ft 10 inches...is...Podiatry!

A massive black man swats past the curtains and lumbers towards the couch stopping to stoop and give a "yeah right" type of shoulder hug to GS before sitting on the couch next to the desk. He's decked out in baggy blue jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a blue jean jacket, white sneaks. Huge, huge afro.

P: How ya doin?
GS: Doing well, doing well...Welcome.
P: Yeah
GS: You're mighty big, block alot of sun.
P: So do shades.
GS: I can see this is going to go well.
P: What?
GS: How do you like these fans? (motions towards audience)
P: They doin they thing, ya know...
GS: SO how's it feel to have so much attention over your upcoming CD? Seems like it all happened overnight for you.
P: True, true. But, I'm used to the attention. Being big, I always get alotta attention. But, my verses bustin out, Fo sho. That's hype for me.
GS: Your CD is called "Outta the Ghetto" and I guess you are, like you said, "bustin out"...
P: Well, that's where I'm from. Daddy was a janitor, momma a crackhead. That kinda thang. But, I'm elevatin above all that.
GS: Tell us...uh...how did you come up with that unusual name, Podiatry...the study of feet?
P: (kinda glares, noticing the mocking tone of GS) I calls myself Podiatry cuz I'm always breakin feets off in people's asses, ya know?
GS: My gosh, uh...by that thinkin, you coulda called yourself Proctology.
P: (very hard glare)
GS: Just a thought, you know...
P: I actually thought about calling myself that, but you know, too many SMART ASS jokes ta deal with.
GS: Well, I guess I do...back to your upbringing...
P: What about it?
GS: Well, the guys in the research department did some checking. Just routine. That's what they do. And...uh...they found something interesting...kinda contradicts what you said earlier.
P: Contra...what?
GS: Well, your CD is called "Outta the Ghetto" and you just backed that up a second ago...
P: Yeah, what?
GS: Well, research confirmed that your father was indeed a janitor, actual title, Custodial Representative...but what came as a surprise was that he worked for Disneyland. Even bigger surprise: your family and other employee families, gardeners, resaurant help...lived ON GROUNDS at Disneyland, in apartments built special for employees...just a bit away from the festivities...Now...How is that ghetto?
P: (staring very menacingly at GS, so much so, GS looks like he's ready to bolt from his chair)
GS: It's just a question, something we discovered. I just thought you'd like a chance to tell your side of the story to your fans. (motions to audience again)
P: The people prolly wanna see me break my foot off in your ass that's what the people prolly wanna see! Ya think I don't know ya fuckin wit me. I see how you doin it sly and intellect-like. I ain't as stupid as I look.
(Audience cheers)
GS: Just giving it yor best effort, huh?
P: What?
GS: About Disneyland...
P: ABOUT DISNEYLAND! Here's about Disneyland! Yeah, So what? I was raised there. My daddy was still a janitor no matter what fancy title he had. Shitty toilets is still shitty toilets! Still made minimum wage! And the apartment wasn't free. Came outta daddy's check, man!
GS: Well, that is depressing, I mean, who wants to pay rent.
P: Mamma was still a crackhead. Always leavin me hungry.
GS: You couldn't tell.
P: What the fuck, man?
GS: I'm sorry, please continue. Crack in Disneyland.
P: (rolls eyes at GS) Like I was sayin, she always off scorin crack. Muthafuckin Pluto slangs, man. I never forget the day I walked in on her suckin that furry dick for some rock, man...messed me up.
GS: Oh my...uh...what can I say about that?
P: Nuthin if ya know betta...then, man...Pluto had the 7 dwarves workin for him...used ta beat my ass on days she didn't have her money ready or was behind and missed a payment. You don't think you'd turn out hard as a mutha if 7 dwarves was always kickin your ass?
GS: I guess...I guess that'd be a hard thing. But, you're so big.
P: I was a late bloomer. Plus, they's 7 of em. They be swarmin. And even when I did get big...muthfuckas brought in Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum on my ass. They's big fat muthas, man. Add them ta 7 dwarves. That's 9 muthas beatin my ass. Shit...I was lucky ta make it out.
GS: That's...somethin else...uh...Is that why you startted rappin? The stress, the "hardships"?
P: Watch ya tone, man...Yeah, that's about it though...Me, one of the front gate ticket guys, and Louie from Huey and Dewy, we'd hang out after hours at the Cup and Saucer, score some chronic from the Little Mermaid, she slang too, but just weed. Then go get our groove on at Space Mountain. Just get high and come up with rhymes.
GS: Doesn't seem complete without Dewey and Huey.
P: They's crackheads too. Too fucked up ta rhyme. Pluto be runnin the whole place, man. Most cats is under his crack spell. Still are. You hear about The Beast cold buggin out and whippin Beauty's ass in front of all them families?
GS: Uh...no...sure didn't.
P: Shit, prolly covered it up real quick. Handed out them Disney dollars to keep peeps on the down low. Pluto the Nino Brown of Disneyland, man. If you got inside ears, you hear what be goin on up in there.
GS: Thats...thats...quite a claim you have there.
P: Ain't no claim. That's real. My life, man. After rappin wit my boys, I found pitfighting. I'd gotten big and was used ta throwing down...so...under the waterslide at midnight is when the shit would go down. That's where I came up with my name, cuz I left foots in everyone's asses. Beat em all...The Cheshire Cat, Dumbo's fat ass, even those fat bastards Dum and Dee, at the same time!
GS: Then, uh...how were they able to beat you up?
P: You forgettin about the dwarves, man! Plus, doc packs a blade. Wanna see? (motions like he's gonna lift his shirt)
GS: No! No! We certainly believe you. Of course Doc packs a blade, probably a scalpel.
P: Coulda been. Never saw it, just felt it. Anyway, I was used ta rhymin so I started incorporating that inta my fights. Ali style...
Use my verse ta soften up muthafuckas...Like...
"Gonna bust up this man called Dumbo, smoke him quicker than mom's do a jumbo."
GS: That's uh...intimidating...
P: Fo sho. Fo sho. And against Buzz, man...
"He stepped up, but already showin fear cuz he know I'm comin heavy gainst Buzz Lightyear"
And then I just whipped they asses.
GS: And, uh...the story goes that's how you got discovered.
P: Yeah, someone let this drunk Sony cat in. He's gettin hooked up with Pocahontas. She kinda a ho, but that's her thang, you know. She brings him to the fight, he sees me do my thang...one thing leads to another, man. How could it not with my skills.
GS: Which have got you standing tall like you're on a curb.
P: Huh? Higher than that, man.
GS: Of course it is.
P: You doin it again, man?
GS: Isn't it a record or something, how fast you made this CD?
P: Yeah, man...as a matter of fact it is...I gots mad flow, man. Crazy flow. So, you know, we cut the whole CD, 16 tracks, 2 bonus tracks, beats and all, in about 45 minutes.
GS: That's impressive. Like no real effort was involved.
P: Don't need effort when ya have flow, man.
GS: Of course you don't. I hear some big names are talking about you.
P: Yeah, all the MC's see me comin. How could they not? I'm ready ta dent their sales like they been starchin boats, man. But I ain't bringin no beef, man. I can eat any that comes my way, fo sho...but ain't startin shit. I'm here ta unite the dogs. When my sales start rollin in, man...I'm onenin operations in Oklahoma!
GS: Oklahoma?
P: That's right, Oklahoma. Right smack in the middle for Podiatry, Inc. Have all this East Coast West Coast bullshit end cuz they's gonna have ta come half way ta deal with me.
GS: And they're gonna WANT to deal with you?
P: Of course, man...since I'm takin over, they gonna have to.
GS: Well, I've got some quotes from some big names, and they're talking about you...here's what was said...
Ja Rule said, "That cat is whack, he can be my bodyguard, though"
P: That's a compliment
GS: O...K...Here's what Jay-Z said, "I wouldn't want ta be behind the brother in a buffet line, but aside from that, I ain't sayin no negatives. The boy is big. You think he does any bodyguarding?"
P: Another compliment!
GS: And, Eminem, Marshal Mathers said, "It'd take a whole lotta paintballs ta cover him. I think Haley raps a bit better, but I ain't bringin no beef. He looks like he could eat the whole cow. If his CD don't make it, he can be my bodyguard, yo!"
P: See, they all proppin me.
GS: Your size
P: I am my size! A prop for my size is still a prop for me.
GS: Said like a true believer of the imaginary. I really appreciate you coming down and seeing us.
P: Uh...is that it? We outta time?
GS: Thankfully yes, and many thanks to Sony for their endless contributions to charity (glances at P when saying this)...
P: Yo, dog, my money ain't goin ta charity
GS: Of course it's not...Catch the new CD, Outta the Ghetto" next week at all local stores.
P: Yo, peeps, buy it or I'll live up to my name! Word!

__________________
Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T.
For my convenience, not yours!

That is'nt an open mic..........

should be closed....

Well, put it where ya think it needs ta be...

I at least hope you found it funny and even slightly entertaining.

__________________
Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T.
For my convenience, not yours!

I could'nt be arsed reading it.....

But it should be in the emcee interaction....