there are so many problems that people suffer/
everything they do it wont get better/
people need to get a better life and make it the best/
we dont need to see anybody on the streets getting an arrest/
by crack, cocaine, or even murders/
sayin this shit by every verse/
expressin what is wrong on this planet/
feels like the society has just takin a hit/
people need to realize that life is something to enjoy/
so that all the girls and boys have something to be happy/
the poor people on the streets sufferin from the real life/
its kind of sick for people seeing people dying in front of their face so i wrie this cyph/
to see if anybody is feelin this and if it helps them in any way/
so their skies can not be grey and some place to stay/
if it dont help you its a joint for you to know what is happening/
people havin tough times dont worry cause you have the rest of your life to make it as good as it can get/
get money and fix your life and not be in debt/

__________________
It doesnt matter if you win as long as you give everything in your heart

- michael jordan

I am gonna be what i wanna be, but not just what i wanna be but what i am.

- 2hot2handle(myself)

flow was hard to catch...i liked the concept...i think you cud elavate on this though...maybe hit it with another verse an some punches..peace man keep up the work

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

the messages are there, but the delivery could be better. Try and keep all your lines the same length and try adding two words that rhyme at the end of each bar.

i'm far from a great critique, but that outta help ya out, and never quit writing.

Hey man, good drop on the message, but the flow was sort of formless. I know that it had that beat in your head, but I just couldn't catch it and that made the piece different. Other than that, good with the vocab and just keep at the notebook. Don't get me wrong, I like this drop, but just the delivery could have come harder, you know? I still like.

Hit me up...

Laaate.

do i live at your open mics?

Well i must say your getting MUCH better.. yay for you
What the guys above me said is tru.. just keep going and your going to get better... i see the improvement already

expressin what is wrong on this planet/
feels like the society has just takin a hit/
people need to realize that life is something to enjoy/

sums it all up...good drop!