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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-10-03, 08:43 PM
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#1
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I Am The Light
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heres to the sky!!!!!repeat
IP: CB2E 7CE0
Heres to the sky--------
A cheer built with perplexity visual modality to mans eye------ You glide by without a simple term of planning within the midst you bring forth shadows to hide--- Am I unqualified to repromand an understanding taken between a concrete bases that can hide my disquise--And for that a billion more---Gravestones filled with glamour and for the tallest of them all will rectify his stature--Popularity is sought even within the last breathe--seeking a corner to hide his own perpetual stress-- How much have we earned? For the allowance of such beauty with even evil intuition we ignore our filial duty--You generate the light despite the measures that add to nothing--But i am not a deserving specticle to bask in my self-pity-- so i'll perpetuate in infirmary to equal minds thoughts more clearly----------
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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
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09-10-03, 10:53 PM
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#2
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: D9B5 099A
fairly good...good wordplay an structure i think you should have made it longer...it was a good piece but i think you had a good piece an even better if you'd make it more complex peace man 1
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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09-11-03, 01:39 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: 860C 1B03
yah it was alright good vocab nice concept but it could use somw work
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09-11-03, 10:44 PM
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#4
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...
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IP: A9A7 727D
wow, the poetry man with an open mic...it's like christmas! lol
this was great content. it had that poetic feel to it. because you're deacon o.O your wordplay and metaphors were insane, and the flow was fairly good too. best lines: Quote:
I loved the content of that bar, but it didn't rhyme. whats up with that? i guess slug does it all the time. phucker. you need to work on bar length. it leads to impeccable flow, hell, look at sand. his shit always flows perfect, and the end of his bars are straight as a ruler. Also, try not to have wordplay that is so deep that it's hard to get anything from. It may mean the world to you, but if I don't get it, then it's not a very good read. Very nice work, d-man Peace
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Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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