In babalon, be ready for war.
one crack to the jaw, you find ya ass sleep on the floor.
be humble and watch how ya walk.
bite ya tonge and whatch how ya talk.
In babalon, we don't play.
get ya head cracked for not wathcing what you say.
Keep ya eyes open and hands in ya pockets.
watch the cats on the corner cuz they clocking.
its something like brooklyn, but with a west coast them.
late night, you find these hoes doing the midwest swing.
but it aint no thang to me.
I'm a prophet, proclaiming my city.
take ya pitty and gone outa here.
We don't need ya simpathy, ain't nuttin but pimping in the atmosphere.
and queers get merked on spot.
So empty out them pockets and gimmie what you got.

Your Rhymes were some-what simple here, You need to expand your knowledge of complex rhymin syllables and you seem to have a restricted vocab. Liked the way you compared Babylon to your own 'hood', wether you live in the 'hood' our if you live in a $2m house in 'surbs, is not up for debate here.

try to keep your bars relativly the same length, cos the flow as choppy here. Also, try to keep on topic, cos you swaye dback n' forth at some points..

Keep it up, I can see potential here

Ill equipp-ed, for this reder-ict
my verbal twist, is the icee-ist.
compitish- can't comprehend this.
you get one wish.
cuz i got the other 2.
50 is a pimp.
well times him by 2.
I don't care what you want to do.
hipnotic, lyrical sound.
West coast playa layin it down.
symphonic, explosive exatcy.
entrance ya cypher-
molding and controlling,
I gots to be.
give me 20 for entrapment.
plus a dime for being a legit pimp.
and when you close the cage
don't forget babalon is where I developed my rage.

hti me up, tell me something.

upn, tell me somthing people.

feed back , hit me up., dont sleep

ah man... too simple, too short...
I'm sure those two were freestyles...
the concept of that first one wasn't that bad...
who don't want to talk about what they living through, or lived through right? the streets where one came from and shit... thas cool... but it wasn't interting cause of the simplicity and shortness of this... need to up alot of shit... vocab, flow, wordplay... all that...

-1-

question, I know word play, vocab, similies, metaphores are all great, but thats not all rap is about. take brother lynch for example and compare him to canibus. both are to favorites on there perspective coast, but to very different styles. It seems like almost every one on here is flowing east coast. well we flow different on the west coast, and people dont seem to understand that on here. before M, people were barely using metaphors. now you can't keep peeps off of them, its like there crack rock or something. what ever happend to straight shots directly at the person? get back at me when you get a chance, i would like some feed back please.