It was a stupid argument, never ment to get out of hand-
my patience was running out, like a turned hourglass, no more sand\
I was having a bad day, everything went wrong, and you broke the ice-
your luck just ran out, like you rolled a snake eyes on the dice\
I said some things is anger, words that could slice a diamond clean-
and now theres only 3 words i can say, and thats that "Im sorry Shealene"\
And i know these words dont help, cause a band-aid cant fix the inside-
and i know a scar is uncontrollable, like the moon controlls the tide\
But i can controll the future, in the sense that i can controll my own mind-
and i can promise it wont happen again, cause my self controll has been refined\
The words i said to you, dont exist, in my vocabulary anymore-
because of the hurt they cause you, they were kicked out my brains front door\
And now i'd like to welcome you in, to see the new that place i live in-
no, its not a new house, it's the new perspective that i've been given\
Im hoping to be forgivin, but if its not something you can do I understand-
but if one day you want my friendship again, you can expect both my arms to expand\
And you can expect me to reach out my hand, and give you help whenever needed-
and if you can ever reach out again, then i know that my words have succeded\
There are some i this world that say, words are like nails in a fence-
you can put them in and take them back, but they will always leave the dents\
And the dents cannot be fixed, they can only be forgot-
but usually they are remembered, more times then they are not\

come on its on top just fuckin view it and reply... i worked pretty hard on this

lol at that^^

aight here i go

and i know a scar is uncontrollable, like the moon controlls the tide\

umm the moon does control the tide

There are some i this world that say, words are like nails in a fence-
you can put them in and take them back, but they will always leave the dents\
And the dents cannot be fixed, they can only be forgot-
but usually they are remembered, more times then they are not\

my fav part...

the flow was easy to find it had a slow mellow tempo... the use of metas was good... the vocab used was also good... overall i can see why u spent time on it...came out well

*straight newb move*
PLEASE take a look at this...not a battle, not an open mic..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=79927

nice drop overall wordplay was on point and ya flow was easy to get and read was good.....vocan was nice and your imagery was bangin there..oveall nice


return the favor

yes i know.. but it the moon is uncontrollable... you cant controll how the moon controlls the tide... thats what i meant... thanks for the feedback tho

Yo that was deep man. I was feeling that for real. You blew my mind dog, I'm going to have to watch out for you man. A girl can just take your words to heart and fall in love w/ you. That was deep though. I liked it.

man you must have said some foul shit. it was good though i felt the way you must have. humble sorry you pissed her off and all. its fucked up when you're in the dog house huh?

ILLNESS THOUGH ILL I BEEN SSEING YOU ELIVATE ALOT SEAMS YOU ARE CHANNELING YOUR ANGLE AND PROPERLY APPLYING YOUR TALENT TO IT.GOOD FOR YOU THIS WAS HOT TWIN ONE

Yo! you made me cry man... lol... hahahaha....
Oh shit, good drop man, it had heart... and there was some good metas up in there... decent flow... not much on vocab, but fuck it... deep pieces like this usually ain't got that... thas cool... as long as you get your point across... and you succeded at that... didn't make the shit too long, that was cool... even though I know you may have alot more to say about that man...

"And now i'd like to welcome you in, to see the new that place i live in-
no, its not a new house, it's the new perspective that i've been given\"

"There are some i this world that say, words are like nails in a fence-
you can put them in and take them back, but they will always leave the dents"

^thas some poetry right there man... those lines stood out for me...
Keep dropping man...

-1-

^^^thx for the feedback dawg.... anyone else have anything to say??? any criticism?

uppin..........................

uppin cause this is on the 3rd page... can i get a little more feedback plz?

it's coo mayn, nice drop
and ayo ppl, ez wit da nice wordplays, he was using metas mostly

there's a difference
most of the verse was soaked wit metaphors, not wordplays

ha, i bet yall dont know what wordplay is, yall just give feedback just fo feedback sakes!

neways

nice drop man

props, felt dat shit

yo i was feelin that, the wordplay was nice, the flow was easy to pick up, and the vocab was good. that was deep, good shit. keep postin dude i enjoyed readin that.

yo please return the favor, my post is called "changes", thanx