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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-15-03, 07:37 AM
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#1
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Guest
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live and let live
IP: 9462 2713
want my words 2 touch people in a certain way
want them 2 listen 2 what i have 2 say want 2 paint a picture with my words as clear as day want 2 leave my problem filled lifestyle & get away wish 4 a sunny sunset no clouds in sight wish 4 a day thats not as dark as night wish 4 good splif tired of being tired from weed that dont make me high, i want the good shit that make you feel like a spaceshuttle above the sky its the only fact of life homie, everybody die depart as tupac said the ghetto in the sky might sound impossible but it aint a lie so why waist your time on earth being shy go all out motherfucker its do or die so ask yourself the question why? why ask the question 4 yourself? what really is real in the reality that we live why is it so easy 2 take but so hard 2 give why is it so easy 2 die but so hard 2 live Last edited by dissmaster : 09-15-03 at 07:54 AM. |
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09-17-03, 10:40 AM
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#2
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Light Weight
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IP: 640C 3FBD
You new to writing? This here was okay. Some of the lines I liked, some I thought were okay and some I didn't really care for. You stayed on topic, I guess. That was a good thing about it. But you didn't really get into much detail. That's what stopped me from liking it a lot. The last 2 lines is the ones I liked a lot. Definately true..
Just keep on writing. You'll get better. Go into more detail next time. Give the reader a better description so they can feel what you're saying. |
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