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Old 09-20-03, 10:40 PM   #1
dilousion412
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some new stuff

IP: 4577 CD9A

we are full fledge thugs
like a family of bugs
we will not go away
we will stand here and stay
no matter how strong the bug killer shall be
we will just return continually
white grey and black
we'll just keep comin back
he wait i remember u, siad we'll never make it
every time u seen us u used to hocker on us and spit
but now we are bigger and will spit back at u
cuz now we are th rubber and u are the glue
now that u know this u want to just die
and if u need someone to kill u. ill be the guy
a glock in the nuts and a rife in the eye
ok that jobs over lets go get high

Last edited by dilousion412 : 09-20-03 at 11:08 PM.
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Old 09-20-03, 11:58 PM   #2
dilousion412
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can i have some feedback please
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Old 09-21-03, 01:31 AM   #3
dilousion412
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hello
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Old 09-21-03, 02:40 PM   #4
dilousion412
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no one
i see how it works
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Old 09-21-03, 02:51 PM   #5
Gene Pool
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2 words bro. needs work. no offence or nuttin I think u do have the ability to bust somethin good but try to rap on a topic and ur structure and rhyme scheme and what not needs work. now unless ur juss screwin around with this peice to try somethin new I dunno then that's fine and I'm sorry for inconvenience if u were juss screwin around with this piece. but if u got the time peep out mine and masta C's collab called "life is what we hate (ft. Masta C) and leave some feedback and also I'll be postin a new collab by us called "high times" so if ur still around peep that out to. thanx in advance peace.
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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>
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Old 09-21-03, 04:17 PM   #6
Menik
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yeah this peice needs some work i think too, try making your lines longer and use some better wordplay and multies, you could use a better structure as well but just keep elevating and dropping man.
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Old 09-21-03, 07:52 PM   #7
dilousion412
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thanks. im glad u guys gave me that advice and now i see that i should make lines longer and try a better rhyme scheme. and i did see life is what we hate and left feedback. and check out my new one
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