<-----not an audio head.... so ANY help would be appreciated

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/illmentalmusic.htm

Lyrics

if you could see my world, through my eyes\\
you could understand why im meeting my demise\\
every choice i make, leads me down another path\\
i can do the equasions, but cant figure out the math\\
people keep tellin me, what to do with myself\\
i keep givin them the finger, i dont need no help\\
i can live for myself, im not a slave\\
i know where my life is goin, my path is already paved\\
its like im tight-rope walkin, without a safety net\\
you put yo feet in the water, while i get soaking wet\\
im not afraid of death, but i am afraid of dyin\\
thats why im on the streets, cause im constantly tryin\\
to move up in the world, to give my kids a good life\\
so they dont have to worry, and can sleep good every night\\
im fighting all my daemons, and the battles constantly flowin\\
this rappin shits the only thing that keeps me goin\\
i'm always dreamin, but im stuck in reality\\
i read the newspaper, every day a new fatality\\
whats wrong with this world tht we live in\\
we dont treasure life, thats why theres so many in prison\\
i feel like im a preacher, for every different race\\
cause i can be a positive voice, and set a steady pace\\
towards a brad new life, one that aint filled with sorrow\\
i know i can lead the people, towards a better tomorrow\\
but untill that day, i'll just keep rappin my best\\
because this is my life, untill my very last breath\\

%^^^^^^Feedback???

anything else???

yeah...I think the beat is a lil' corny...the rhymez were aiiight...but I don't know...there'z somethin' about ya flow that I ain't feelin'...but I can't figure out what it is...try addin' some multie'z it will help out a lot...especially in audio'z...

this is my first ever audio bro... thanks tho... i been gettin alot of help lately so im elevatin on the mic... will post some more shit soon